Thursday, 16 December 2010


Changes is something that's so subjective. We often heard people whom opt to makes changes in their lives, but in the end most people becomes dwelled in the same circle of life as they used to.

Changes are also something that I've try so much to make in my entire life. So much that it has becomes a disappointment for me that the changes does not really happen in the end. Yeah, I must admit I'm the most secured-feeling person known to exists in this world. I've spend so much time, to be exact my previous 21 years old, by walking in the same path over and over again, the path so-called highway.

As pathetic as its sounds, that's the inconvenient truth that I've to admit. I've never strive for anything that I want. It is not like I'm been pampered and spoiled by my family friends etc., but maybe the way I've been living through in my life makes me become too much contented with my life. I've been long living in a safe shell, and now I realise that I've to break it, or else I would never move on.

I've been reminiscing my past for this couple of years, and I almost did not remember any occasion that I can considered a proud moments of my undertaking to achieve something. (Perhaps there is one though that I really treasures in my heart lol)

But since primary school, I've always achieve everything without so much constraints and efforts: My grades always strike to a safe level that it becomes the least that I would concern for in my school years. Plus my family, which are more or less supportive for me are also like me and happy for everything that I've achieve for. So in the end what that I concern for is everything but my future.

I always thought that life will always turns up for the best. So nothing is worthy to be fought in this life. They all would coming to us in the end.

If I could hear myself taking right now, I've realised how naive my perspective are for this world. Life has become too simple for me, so simple that it makes me feel that the previous 21 years of my youth is just more or less of a waste. In the end I realised that I haven't achieve anything.

My good friend always asked me to change. But to change from what? Frankly, I don't have anything worthy to fight for.

But what I learn in this couple of years have change that fact in me.

Bad or wrong is really not ours to judge. But in the end life is too short. Choosing the wrong path might ended me up damned for eternity. You'll never know whether you'll live long enough to makes mistakes, realised it and repent before the angel of death come upon you. So yes, I do think that this is an important decision that determines my fate, and more important, my soul.

Sometimes it's such a disappointment for me to realised that except my mom, my family does not really providing me the basis that I really need to further on my life. They gave me everything but anything that I really need for. But I think God really loves me. He provided me everything by showing me friends that can really help me see what life is really all about. If one day my family could realise that their responsibilities are not just providing money, food or clothes. What's more prominent is providing the inside, my conscience.

But I do realise that every individual has their own issues to faced in life. Every family, either they looks like a family to be modeled for, does not escaped from the ruthless of life. But it doesn't mean that it's worth to take the wrong decision just to cope and adapt with it.

In the end, every moves and decisions in our life will be judged by one truth only. And I've already chosen my path. And despite the road maybe narrow, with full of thorns and obstacles, I'll try my best to walk again. Because I know it is a straight path.

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