Sunday, 3 October 2010

I'm feeling thankful, yet I'm still not contented

Last night when I was looking at Sassy Girl Chun Hyang, I could not myself let in astonishment looking at the life of its antagonist, President Byun. It's not his face that I'm so fascinated about but it was really just his way of life. The life of the Korean elites and conglomerates maybe far from reach, but I would say that I lie if I really not tempted with this kind of lifestyle.

Even Sir Nick said that business is 9/10 of the source of wealth in the world. Everything can be made into money, if you know how to do it. For some time right now it had been crossing through my mind towards venturing into these kind of sector, but I don't think I'm qualified enough. But who knows, time will tell whether God will give me the opportunity sooner or later.

When I choose to pursue my diploma here at UiTM Pahang, I've set up my mind that in this 3 years I will find the right course in my life that suits me, a life that I want to be for many years to come. A life that's full of passion but still obligatory with the teachings of God. I ventured into so many things, making friends with so many people, looking far beyond my previous life. Sometimes maybe it was a bad hair day, or maybe it was full of joy, but all of them are worth memories. I couldn't help but feeling grateful for everything that He gives me. Alhamdulillah.

And then this semester the big moment arrive, a moment where I should choose to set up the course of my life once and for all. It was something that I could evade before when fleeing here to UiTM, but I know I have to make the final option sooner or later. Thanks to my all my good friends, especially Khalid in which be friends with him for this three years had help me a lot in myself. He helps me how to express myself. I think he knows better how am I was back when I'm first starting here.

For him, Before I went here, I thought that by looking at incompetence I am with communication skill, spending here would definitely becomes a nightmare rather than a blessing. But God is benevolence. He gives me Khalid, Kikim, Kak Pah, Nok, Pan and others. Now I'm as happy as any other person would be. Because of them, I always feel happy and thankful with every moment that I has lived on. And I feel like I really feel indebted to Khalid for what he has done.

I've seen on drama at TV where good friends sometimes conflicted with each other but in the end that will make them stronger than ever, and I've had wished that maybe one day I could feel the same feeling too. And God really hear my pray. Maybe sometimes we're quarreling but that is friendship is all about. Sharing each other feelings and etc. But sometimes things came out unexpectedly.

I know he sometimes hides his true feelings, or just acting with others, or just behaving hypocritically or saying out escape lies to anyone that's new to him, or the one that makes him uncomfortable. That's what I know, or I think I really know after 6 semester with him. But all these years, I feel that the one he always tell out the truth or say what he really feels on almost everything is to me. But nowadays he's just becoming too secretive even with me. I couldn't help to feel that he tries to indulge me with his funny comments, but at the same time he concealed on his true feelings away from me. It's like he was uncomfortable with me, and started treating me like "other people".

These previous events couldn't make me wondering either he or me that has changed. I don't know. Maybe it was me who changed a lot and make he feels that I can no longer be trusted. Or maybe it was just only me feeling that he does not sharing-is-caring me enough. Whatever that I did or say that hurts you before, I really am sorry. It was kinda frustrated to feel that I was pushed away towards the corner, into the same group with the peoples that you don't really care about. It was really a jolly moments all these years, and therefore I don't want it to end like this.

So in the end I was hoping that there would be a turning point on this issue. But as people would say, the best solution starts with the truth. Hence I wrote again into to express my true feelings towards him. I want to ask no more other than forgiven on every misdeeds that I've done to you, and hope that we would share our true feelings again. And don't worry, these are the least issue that had troubled me right now, apart from the fact that final is just around the corner. I believe that everything can be solved.

Friendships always had its ups and downs after all, but in the end its perseverance that matters.

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