Sunday, 10 October 2010

I'm almost 21. So what??

It's just one and a half month or so to go until I will officially celebrating my 21st birthday. But as I walk towards the so-called the golden period that divides between my teenage life and adulthood, it seems that there's no significant changes in my life - which in return gave me a sudden feel of demoralization. There's still no changes in the course of my life. I realized that until now, I have achieve nothing. What is more disappointing than that??

To tell you the truth, what I really have in my mind that defines what 21st is all about is something extraordinary: something that I should change or improvise regarding my progress in life.

Maybe other 21-year-old newbies have enjoy a degree of privileges venturing into new lifestyle or finding a new interests, or just already enjoying their life as a working-class Malaysian. What a great life lies ahead in front of them. All of these are the least changes that I've always imagined as reaching for the so-called sweet twenty-first.

At least the most pathetic achievement that I could think of is becoming less-dependent if not independent from the burden of family or just living everyday life to the fullest towards a great and memorable future.

But ironically for me, the advent of me reaching 21 has no significance - it does not feel any difference as when I celebrated my 12 years old birthday bash with cakes n friends etc. I mean where are the excitement? Is there even something to be celebrated about besides the fact I'm becoming older and part of my youth have slipped away meaninglessly??

Therefore I don't think I have anything to be celebrated for my 21st birthday. The truth is I've already planning for my future, but lacking of commitment seems to driven me afar from reaching it. I realize that planning is just a little step towards the future, but what matters is how we determined enough to pursue it.

I should stop thinking like a 12 years old kid whom just reaching his puberty and thinks that everything around him is still new and there's so much time to be wasted. Before I started to get into weird thinking that all was already too late and too insignificant to even move on, I really need a major makeover, up-close and personal. Both outside and inside! Pronto!
10.10.10 (the same day of the wedding of our famous astronauts which I've already missed because someone came up first and want to see Motor GP. Geez~!)
Starting today, I want to do what I really desired to do, not the other way around. The problem with me is that I like to ignore what my heart and mind tells me and just listening to the seduction from my lust in continuing to live a hollow and meaningless life.

It's really true Dr. M, that we Malays are tend to forget on everything when they are being pampered in the comfort zone. I want to change that fact. I will try my best to pursue my real dream instead of chasing silly dreams that can never happened.
"We can't become what we need by remaining what we are." -Max Dupree
God help me please. I need You more than ever.

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