Monday, 20 December 2010

Pictures worth a thousand words

I've once published this pics on Facebook, and now I want to do it again here, a simple message in which people ignored. If they're really exists the so-called propaganda war towards the Muslims, well considered that this is my part to defend my religion.

Anyway kudos to the creator (I've lost track of him lol) for such a good message!

Saturday, 18 December 2010


Hearing this melodious song that I've got from War and Beauty (which I used it on my blog lol), suddenly it made me remember of my golden days during studying in Jengka. I remember the times when I first got the offer, I really felt scared on how my life there might be. Considering myself as a bad ass in socializing, it made me feel unsecured upon what I might encounter at the new place.

I was thinking to myself at that moment, oh God give strength to get through this all by myself. I've already have in my box of mind how lonely and full of hardships my life would be there, with maybe no friends and will be shunned like whom I have during my school days. And I've to convinced myself that my new life there would be no more than striving for success and creating a better future - alone.

But regardless of such an ominous prediction by myself, deep in my heart I've always prayed that I might be blessed with a friend or a couple of them whom will accepted me as I am, a friend in which I can share my problems as well as happiness and whom I can spend almost everything with. I've watched on TV how good friends sometimes have their differences, but in the end they resolve it and that eventually makes their bonding becomes everlasting. In some way, I wish that I could experience such situation.

And I remember the first week during MMS which most people use it as the best time for making new cliques and friends, what I got in the end is almost none. But why I don't blame myself on that, since MMS is such an exhausting period that I could care less for others. Thinking about how hell tomorrow might be is making me preoccupied enough. So spare me the friendship hunting!

As a result, I only met somebody that I really could remember his name is just during the class session, in which I've been elected as the class wrap thanks a lot to him. Him by the name of Khalid. God really helps me at that time. Being a class wrap do have its privileges. It makes me becomes serious in remembering each of my classmates' name at least, and by doing such a favor also getting me an easy ticket to talk with them, even though its just a decent conversation. But it works!

Khalid doesn't just did that, he also introduced me to other friends that now I realized how I treasured and missed every moments with them. I've never forget how myself, Khalid, Kikim and Matnor spends up our weekends hanging around at the warongs in Jengka, trying new food available while sharing stories about our respective backgrounds, as well as gossiping about the backgrounds of others - sharing many funny jokes and ghost stories. How I've remembered spending almost every night on Khalid's room chatting until 2 to 3am, until in the end no one is brave enough to went back into their rooms because to Kikim's horror stories. How I wish that the moments could be repeated!

But what I treasured most about Khalid is that how his characters warms up my coldness that have long entrenched deep inside me - something that I think I could never change about myself. He cracks up my inner conscience about the peoples all around me. But as all good friendships in TV, we maybe encounters some problems and I would be lying if I said we does not quarreling about trivial matters this past few years, but in the end that's makes our friendships even stronger. He's like my social aid or something.

In the end, I've just realized that I really felt to be loved by all my friends, not only from just the friends that I've mention before, but also from others such as Syed and his outstanding wits to defy nature, as well as others such as Fuzley, Nok, Shubi, Dek Mie, Salleh, Har, Hash, Farid, the Shafiqs and others that's so many for me to mention here... (But I've never forgot you all, I promise!)

And now all the good years have already came to an end. But it's worth to live up to it, and in the end I've realised that all the bad thoughts that I've had before were no more than a wishful thinking of somebody whom are afraid of himself, afraid of changes that never stops evolving around him. But as the good moments maybe ended, the friendships as well as all the memorable nostalgia lasts forever. I've always felt that I've owed it all to God.

Now this year have come almost to an end. A new year will emerge, and with it comes a new chapter of my ever-changing life. How this will turns out to be?

This time I have a very good feeling about it. : )

Friday, 17 December 2010

Fly To Seoul

Check out this vid! I've fallen in love with it since the first time I've watched it on TV. So spell bounded by it that I've to Youtubed it and download into my lappy. And if you notice the main song of this blog too is based on it ;D

I guess this is just one of the tourism commercial that promotes their capital, Seoul. This time they wants to promote via the help of their entertainment industry that's well known among the Asian sphere. But I'm not representing the Korean Tourism Board whatsoever, so cut the crap about the history of Seoul bla3 that you can Google it on the Internet.

But one thing for sure is that they've succeeded in expressing their objectives in the promotion. It's really dazzled me to see how vibrant and energetic Seoul can be. But what can be less expected from them? The city has been renowned for its fast-paced modernism that stands second just before Tokyo in the Northern Asia urbanisation hemisphere.

The truth is, this vid really caught my attention to see how grand and glorious it is to live in a world of capitalism. Call me having symptoms of a culture shock fever, I don't care. But this so called metropolites (metropolitan + elites) way of living is one seducing way that's very hard to resist.

To see peoples went shopping in a grand malls reminds me of going shopping at Banda Hilir, which are well-known for its landmarks of Pahlawan Megamall and Mahkota Parade. I would be lying if I don't enjoy the company of friends looking at branded apparels and walks out magnificently along the wide avenue of renowned shop lots. There is so much to see, and so much to buy!

Nevertheless, this luxurious way of living doesn't just come without a price. The capitalism way of living, as anyone already known it doesn't applied to those who doesn't have money to spent on. Like the infamous quote of my best friend, people would be nothing without any money.

But I always looks things on both sides. And I've realised that these are just a part of it.

Thursday, 16 December 2010

War and Beauty: Greatest drama ever!

The first time I've watched this drama is on TVB pearl screen on TV3. It was the last TVB dynasty that aired everyday at 6pm since like I was on primary school. Too bad it has to came to an end.

But at least TV3 ended this slot gloriously by airing such a great drama as their final touch. I've love this story so much that I don't mind spending rm37 when I saw this VCD on the store. It's worth it.

This story is gradually based on the imperial time of the Qing dynasty, the last dynasty that ruled China before its falls under the burden of revolution and war. It was based on a story of the struggle of the concubines within the palace for the emperor's love and attention, which in the end secures their influence and power within the imperial court.

What I've seen from this drama episodes by episodes is how the intricate lives of all the imperial subjects within the forbidden city. I was fascinated with how everyone must be clever and virtous, at least verbally in order for them to survive. One wrong step eventually will costs their head.

The twists and plots becomes exciting in the beginning, in which every "lady-in-waiting" (concubine candidates) uses their trickery to try to eliminate each other, while at the same time trying to get the blessing of the main concubine, Madam Yue in which are the most notorious concubine among them.

Madam Yue, which are always the emperor's favourite, never let anyone else outshine her, and make sure that any concubine dares to threaten her position in the palace will suffer fatal consequences, and was more than determine to sack the power of authority from the empress.

But as the plot continues, the empress proves to be more than supreme above others in term of devious in the palace. She's not only managed to outshine Madam Yue in front of the Emperor, but had also stolen her new born princess from the care of the poor mother.

As the bully is eliminated and the empress rules supreme inside the 6 palaces of the inner courtyard of the forbidden city, then emerges from the ashes is three new concubines, Madam Shun, Madam Wah and Madam On, in which each has their own story.

But the most profound story is from Madam On, in which is just initially a Chief maid, but once found out that the person whom responsible for the so-called accidental death of her grandma is the empress herself, she abandoned her love and conscience and uses her wits to seduce the king and enters the realm of ladyship in order to nail the empress down.

The story is so complicated in context, but the director had planned well every detail to make sure that the viewers doesn't loose on track of the plots.

If On-shin does not pursue her revenge.. If eunuch Luk does not telling On-shin the truth about the death of her grandmother.. If Madam Wah does not trying to frame Dr. Suen for infidelity and furthermore having sexual course with him to get a child for His Majesty.. If Dr. Suen just trying to runaway with Madam Shun instead of pursuing his beloved Madam Wah until the very end...

But in the end, everybody loses. Such a sad story that shows how love, bureaucracy and fate turns out magnificently inside the four walls of The Forbidden City.


Changes is something that's so subjective. We often heard people whom opt to makes changes in their lives, but in the end most people becomes dwelled in the same circle of life as they used to.

Changes are also something that I've try so much to make in my entire life. So much that it has becomes a disappointment for me that the changes does not really happen in the end. Yeah, I must admit I'm the most secured-feeling person known to exists in this world. I've spend so much time, to be exact my previous 21 years old, by walking in the same path over and over again, the path so-called highway.

As pathetic as its sounds, that's the inconvenient truth that I've to admit. I've never strive for anything that I want. It is not like I'm been pampered and spoiled by my family friends etc., but maybe the way I've been living through in my life makes me become too much contented with my life. I've been long living in a safe shell, and now I realise that I've to break it, or else I would never move on.

I've been reminiscing my past for this couple of years, and I almost did not remember any occasion that I can considered a proud moments of my undertaking to achieve something. (Perhaps there is one though that I really treasures in my heart lol)

But since primary school, I've always achieve everything without so much constraints and efforts: My grades always strike to a safe level that it becomes the least that I would concern for in my school years. Plus my family, which are more or less supportive for me are also like me and happy for everything that I've achieve for. So in the end what that I concern for is everything but my future.

I always thought that life will always turns up for the best. So nothing is worthy to be fought in this life. They all would coming to us in the end.

If I could hear myself taking right now, I've realised how naive my perspective are for this world. Life has become too simple for me, so simple that it makes me feel that the previous 21 years of my youth is just more or less of a waste. In the end I realised that I haven't achieve anything.

My good friend always asked me to change. But to change from what? Frankly, I don't have anything worthy to fight for.

But what I learn in this couple of years have change that fact in me.

Bad or wrong is really not ours to judge. But in the end life is too short. Choosing the wrong path might ended me up damned for eternity. You'll never know whether you'll live long enough to makes mistakes, realised it and repent before the angel of death come upon you. So yes, I do think that this is an important decision that determines my fate, and more important, my soul.

Sometimes it's such a disappointment for me to realised that except my mom, my family does not really providing me the basis that I really need to further on my life. They gave me everything but anything that I really need for. But I think God really loves me. He provided me everything by showing me friends that can really help me see what life is really all about. If one day my family could realise that their responsibilities are not just providing money, food or clothes. What's more prominent is providing the inside, my conscience.

But I do realise that every individual has their own issues to faced in life. Every family, either they looks like a family to be modeled for, does not escaped from the ruthless of life. But it doesn't mean that it's worth to take the wrong decision just to cope and adapt with it.

In the end, every moves and decisions in our life will be judged by one truth only. And I've already chosen my path. And despite the road maybe narrow, with full of thorns and obstacles, I'll try my best to walk again. Because I know it is a straight path.

Thursday, 28 October 2010

Going for a fishing

The first paper for this final is just around the corner, yet I'm still feeling2 online and doing many stupid stuffs here on the internet. Living here in Jengka is somewhat very frustrating and bored-to-death sometimes, so people here tend to do many things to ease their lack of amusement. You don't believe it? Just check their posts on facebook. None of their activities ever relates here!

So, like most of the Jengkanese do, me too are very desperate to try whatever interesting things possible. Do something or be parish in boredom! And for me, i just came up with the craziest idea ever - going for a fishing. What is crazy about that? Hahaha. I'm not going to fish at some rivers or lakes, stupid. I want to go fishing somewhere into the deep and oceanic blue of PR!

what is PR? heheh. I'm not gonna tell you here. Well most of you are definitely not familiar with it, because that blue ocean is strictly forbidden for females (at least you'll get the idea).

anyway, I've heard from my friends that this part of the world is full of hungry fishes, like piranha, sharks and whatever. So i think why not if I went to fish there and ruins somebody's feelings in the process? i like ruining or at least playing with other people feeling! hehe

Hurm that might be interesting. but i must set up my mind that I'm not looking for partners and definitely no 18SX - just wanna talk to someone whom is desperate and dump him in the end. HAHAHAHA! (devilish laugh)

very mother f**ker indeed! geez!

And therefore by holding that so-called "pure" intention, I sailed upon there and throw my fishing rod. At the first night, the catches are not so encouraging. I only get some ugly looking squids that aren't even luscious to even make a dried shredded squid. (believe me, they're too hideous to even look at. yet i find it very surprising to know that these species even exists, and maybe it wasn't even been cataloged yet in taxonomy. very bizarre indeed)

After a failed attempt in the first two days, I examined what had been wrong. Is it the fishing rod that gave the problem, or it is the bait itself which are not good enough for the big fish? I choose the latter. Hence i look at my collection of bait that i have and i think none of it is potent enough to lure the big fish into my trap. so now what i need is to find or make a new bait. I need a major makeover!

Hence i seek the help of a semi-professional. (professional helpers came up with photo-packages which needs $!). He's a friend of mine, whom are a skillful plastic surgeon (via photoshop of course!) slash international underground figure. (He has already setting a record on catching many species of sharks, and now had settled down after finding his greatest catch so far - a Norwegian white shark!)

Well to shorten the story, he had helped me (and also taught me) to make a new fresh bait. so fetch! (thanks a lot sensei! i really appreciate it!) now the fishing game has move a step to a new level - more interesting than ever!

and last night I've went into the ocean again and test my luck. But luck wasn't really on my side last night due to the tide, which makes the ocean sea to become shallow and hence its really hard to sail further onto the ocean. but during this moment something extraordinary happen - i've been saved!

the revelation comes from one of my good friend, which has surprisingly suffering seasick after following me fishing for quite a while. for some reason my recently passion for fishing has struck the death upon him, and therefore he could not contained it anymore. he had to vomit; no, actually word vomit right onto my face. first i was quite shock with his sudden reactions, but after a while i understand his real intention. such a good friend indeed! =)

he said to me that this sea is very dangerous for me to ventured further in. and it is so devouring that a single mistake can lead you drowned into its dark waters, and there is no turning back after that. he felt responsible and guilty because he thinks that he is the one who've shown me the hidden path towards the sea, and now he thinks I'm so obsessed with it that he afraid that i might ended up falling from the grace of the heavens. well i think this is summary of what he had told me, analogically.

well the truth is he has a point there. maybe i'm quite obsessed with the intention in fishing and playing people's feeling that without notice, i might disappointing myself in the process. and I've also remembered before that I've asked him - as my friends before that please warn me if I've already almost crossing the boundary that I shouldn't ventured into. and for some reason i felt very grateful that he's done that. he saved me from the pits of hell!

as a result this "fishing trip" ends up unexpectedly, but in a good way i guess. I've already keeping up the rod as well as the bait and therefore destroy all the traces that I've made at that place before. and i thank God for His reminders and His love - that had preventing me to go astray further from His straight path.

P/S, if you really want to change or end your misdeeds, start it with paying attention to your daily solat. because if you never leave Him, He will also never leave u alone without His guidance. now i'm more than believe that solat is the best method in preventing (or saving) us from doing sinful acts. insyaAllah.

Monday, 25 October 2010

Blogs. Have you read them?

Today's word is flexibility. Why flexibility you might ask? Because that is one word that I can come up with after window-blogging so many blogs that exists infinitely in this edgeless realm.

Thanks to Khalidas, his commitment of almost 24-7 venturing from one blog to another - reading facts (despite the uncertain one), comments and review on almost everything, stories, fairytale (not the classic ones), real life drama that some are inappropriate be viewed by the public, and gossips (just intentionally highlighted that part since it constitutes 79% of the genre that revolves in almost every blog that we've seen) - which in the end also sparks my interest to do the same, but minus the period time spend.

What can I say about blogs is that, it is way better than Wikipedia. I've been known to have spend so much time reading anything that interests me on Wikipedia, mostly touches about historical facts, theology, as well as political and social fields that i find very fascinated about. But reading blogs, in some way it gives a disadvantage that it hard to find something that we want specifically since blogs are usually written in random fields (except for some oriented blogs that might gives you what you've asked for, but still it is a very random shot). Yet peoples still read blogs because it is appealing to see, interactive to explore and more importantly I find it very interesting and sometimes seducing to read what other people have in their mind.

Peoples like surprises, and that what almost every bloggers offers to their die hard followers. Sometimes it is far much better reading blogs than newspapers I would say, because blogs' content are not so formal, which means that it's not boring and dull. And bloggers tend to add up more "spices and sauces" into their writing so that their articles becoming more tantalizing and can struck to the mind core of their readers.

In concept, blogs applies the same rules as gossiping: the more accessories you add in your story, the merrier the audience. Hence the authenticity of the story is usually compromised to lure and soothes up the desires of their listeners. But blogs has its own of advantages to overcome these matters in the form of videos, pictures, citation or any other recordable proof that can become a subject of influencing if not manipulating the people and gain their trust on the bloggers' idea.

What is more flexible than that? Changes can be made almost instantly via blogs, and any news (or mostly rumors) can spread instantly around the globe. If you as lazy as me to write even a simple post on a blog, it's not lethal for you to just read them. You'll have nothing to lose, instead you'll might gain more than you've asked for.

If knowledge is the food of mind, therefore Blogs is its fast food. Eat them too much and the overdose preservatives will clog your head. Blogs are meant to read in your leisure times, not almost any time that you could find. So please, don't become too consumed over it, will ya?

Sunday, 24 October 2010

Broke-my-back without any Mountain (Part 1)

I got this stupid dream last night (Stupid?) about some scenes that I'm not quite remember exerted from movies that I think I've already saw before. But the setting of the stories, as well as the plots are so cliched and movie-like, so I think its safe to think that it really came from a movie that I've already well forgotten. Based on a half-true story.

The story is like this: It started with a presence of a new teacher at school that I not quite remember his name. But the very much difference for him is that he brought along a different way of teaching as well a new atmosphere towards its student, in a way that not all people can accept it.

Yes, that teacher is kinda sissy, but he does not afraid to show it to the public. With makeups and foundations at par with text books and etc., that will definitely cause an upsurge of cultural shock among the students, and definitely the teachers are not very happy with this. This dude-girl-wannabe should be in serious trouble right now.

But to shorten the story, he has one advantage that saves him from the dreadful inquisition of the school's conservative society -his bravery to stand up on what he believes in as well as a good sense of humor. In the end he gets the respect if not the approval for his "unique" behavior from his colleagues as well as some of the students (This is definitely just a dream. Don't expect this much on the real world sissy!).

But like in the movies, they're not complete unless there's a bad guy - in the form of the discipline teacher and well known as one of the four horsemen that brings apocalypse to the students that had fallen from his grace - whom lurking around looking at his opportunity to initiate a full-scale attack towards this so-called teacher.

Then as the plot continues, there is a boy, a student of his who are very fond of this teacher's bravery. He also inspired by how the teachers thought his students to believe and try to pursue their dreams. To stand up on what they believe in regardless on how other people might think or opposed it. He is like his knight in shining armor (By this moment the school somehow looks like a medieval school, where oppression on freethinkers are still strong and dwelling. Kinda exaggerating don't you think?).

This boy, whom I swear looks like the miniature version of Zackie Fernandez (minus the handicapped part) is so adored to this teacher and for some reason wants to follow this teacher's footstep. Not in the sissy kind of way I mean but how the teacher do whatever he feels like without any constraint or even considering the sanctions of the society. He do everything in his own way, a positive kind of way I mean. Not in a way that he dragged and wearing girls clothes in school and everyone felt okay with it!

So cutting all the craps in between, in the end the teacher finally gets a final warning on doing something that I'm not really sure what (That part is being disrupted by the alarm tone on my mobile, just imagine that it was something heroic ok). He barely passed the judgment with a knife on his throat that will cut him loose whenever he done any mistakes whatsoever in the future.

As the climax approaches, suddenly without notice his exercise book fell on the other side of the balcony, the side in which with a wrong step, he might end up on the school's courtyard - breathless. But since the book is important to him, he have to take that chances to take it back. He climbs the balcony's wall in a Korean sitcom drama kind of way and carefully stepped on the steep cement of the balcony edges. And eventually he succeeds with hardships.

But without his notice, his protege-wannabe student also saw the incident and thought that the teacher is doing something cool again if not stupid. So somehow he is so retardedly stupid to join the party (but kids, who can blame them?) and climb up the balcony's wall on his side. But as he finally made it, he slipped and fall, luckily on the top of a tent if I'm not mistaken.

But his luck ends here. Somehow the vengeful discipline teacher were also at the crime scene and caught the poor boy red-handed. He finally get what he dream for - a solid proof to eliminate his enemy once and for all. A chance of a lifetime. He ordered the student as well as his entire classmate to be assembled at the courtyard, waiting for their teacher who still are not aware of the situation to join the trial.

The bait is set, and now he just have to wait for the hero to come in and "save" the day.

So what will happen to the unfortunate boy and his sissy teacher?
To be continued...

Saturday, 23 October 2010

Hidupku yang masam2 manis

Hurm, hari ni sepatutnye menjadi hari yang menggembirakan dalam hidup aku. (xde la gembira sangat tapi agak lebih gembira la dari hari2 biase). Mane taknye, aku ni mane la tau berenang, n memg susah sangat nak g bkubang ke tempat2 yg bertakungnya air ni. So nak dijadikan cite hari ni c azmie stuju nak ajak kitorg 1 rumah ke Tekam Resort untuk g mandi2 kat sana.

So aku pkir why not, tambah lagi kalau mandi kat kolam renang lagi la slamat dari mandi kat mane2 jeram or sungai yg ade kat area Jengka dan sekitarnya ni. Maklumla kes kencing tikus yg mbunuh ramai org kat Lubuk Yu xlame dlu 2trase mcm smlm jer, n then xtau lagi camne kualiti kebersihan sistem air smulajadi kat cni still d takuk lame ke camne. So lebih baeklah jgn ambik risiko memandangkan final dah nak dekat.

So lepas semayang jumaat kitorg pon bgerak la ke tempat yg dijanjikan. Memg gegeh la preparation nyer sampai azmie sanggup masak nasi goreng (n aku siap gegeh pinjam bwg besar dr makcik sblh. TQVM makcik!!) untuk kitorg buat bekalan ke sana. Ala2 piknik pulak. Hehe. So akhirnye sampai la kitorg kat sane. Kolamnye xde la beso sgt, then ramai giler budak2 yg mandi. Segan pulak pd mulenye, tapi Khalid excited giler. Maklumla die tau berenang, aku lak novice pon x lagi. hehe. Tp yg beshnye ade byk spot utk brehat2 so kitorg duduk2 jela dlu sambil makan2 n feeling2 bakal prenang negara kat c2. Siap bwk kicap y'all, diva x? Hehe. Berangan yg xsudah2!!

Mule2 mcelop air kat citu, fuh dalam giler. 1.5M kedalamannye so ade la sampai lbh kurg dada aku. Pan pulak die feeling xnk mandi dgn 1001 alasannyer. sbb kolam kecik la, budak byk mndi la, selsema la.. byk tol songeh die. Padahal dah bayo 5 hengget td. So kitorang pon last2 g la brendam sgala. Then Pan yg mule2 feeling diva nak duk brendam kaki je kat gigi last2 keceebushh jugak masuk ke dalam air 2. Nk blajar brenang kaedahnye. hehe. Tmasuk aku la 2 gegeh mengipas2 kaki yg x timbul2. Pelik btol. Tp last2 aku bjaya jgk mlakukannye.

Sbnrnye brenang ni susahnye bile part nak synchronize kan pergerakan kaki, tangan dan seluruh anggota lain untuk sentiasa trapung dan bergerak. Bukan senang 2. Pehh nasihat ala2 jurulatih renang negara pulak wpun brenang lum tau lg. huk2. Dlm 5 org yg pegi td, cume Khalid dgn Azmie je yg maju. Yg len2 mlahar jek dlm air 2 tmasuk aku. hahaha.

Tp ksimpulannye memg puas hati jugak le, sbb xlame lepas 2 budak2 yg mandi td 2pon blah, so kitorg yg conquer tempat 2pulak. hehe. n then pd mase yg aku aku dah makin familiar dgn air, dah boleh tahan nafas lame, then yg bestnye dah bleh tolak kaki ke atas mase myelam. Kemajuan yg pesat utk aku yg tatau pape psl basic swimming ni.

Tp kan, bile dah masuk dlm air 2, memg susah giler nak kuar. Kalau boleh rase mcm xnak kuar lgsung jer. huhu. Tambahan pulak aku tringat pulak 1 fakta yg aku baca kat Maskulin, kalau brenang dlm masa 1jam boleh kuarkan lbh kurg 400 kalori, lebeh byk drpd bjogging. Tp yg bestnye brenang myeronokkan xmcm bjoging yg asyik2 kne wat mende yg sme je. Yg penting berangan kurus la pasni. Tp x kot rasenye sbb pas2 aku sambung pulak melantak lagi lebihan nasi goreng yg tinggal. heheh. Ala badan bile2 mse bleh dkuruskan.

Last2 faktor yg bjaya menarik kami sume kuar dr dlm air bilemane hujan lebat mula turun mencurah2. C Pan dgn Syuk pon cabut pegi mandi dah. Tp aku, Khalid dgn Azmie still feeling2 nak tunggu hujan reda n then sambung bkubang lagi. hehe. tp akhirnye niat kitorg x kesampaian d saat kedengaran 1 dentuman petir yg maha kuat, yg kami kira sbg suatu petunjuk dariNya supaya melupakan hasrat kami dan mula berangkat pulang.

So lepas mandi sgala kami pun pulang la d saat azan maghrib bkumandang. memg kepenatan sangat mase 2, tp bottom of the story trase puas ati sesangat. Maklumla aku 1st time dtg + mandi kat c2, mane x gembiranye. At least ade la jugak kodak moments yg aku boleh ingati spanjang 3 taun blajar kat Jengka ni, wpun x ambik skeping gambo pon kt sne (kcuali gambo pose berangan dengan moto sape ntah. Tp mletop gle motonye). huhu. xper la. kalau ade rezeki diorg berangan nk g lagi ke sane pas final nnti. InsyaAllah.

So kesimpulannye hari ni spatutnye hari yg sangat menggumbirakn buat aku. but as some ppl might say (or maybe I've heard in a movie or sumthing), sadness is joy's harbinger. Kadang2 kita alpa yang dsebalik kegembiraan 2pun ade tselit suatu bentuk dugaan dariNya jugak. Hurm~

Ntah camne timbul pulak salah paham antara aku dgn ibu someone. Padahal isunye kecik je. Huhu. Tp dsbbkn aku hormat die sbg seorg ibu yg bjaya mlahirkan dan mendidik anak2 yg mithali spt anak die yg jugak mrangkap kwn aku, aku just senyap je. Seriously, aku memg pndang tinggi pada die. Dialah bg aku contoh ibu mithali yg harus dijadikan ikutan oleh stiap ibu2 d dunia ni.

Tapi dugaan dtg dlm macam2 rupe. Aku x marah bile die marah2 kat aku disebabkan 1 statemen aku yg mungkin disalah tafsir. Tapi aku sgt terkilan bilamana die cube mlibatkan org lain, smpai tnye org lain same ade diorg kenal aku or bkwn dgn aku. Macam statemen aku 2 teruk sgt. Aku terasa aku ni manusia jahat yg hanya mberi bad influence pd anak die. Aku xkan padam statemen 2 dr comment list anak die, sbb aku pcaya yg sume ni hanyalah salah paham. Mungkin die ingat aku sdg mhina atau mdoakan sesuatu yg buruk pd cucunya yg baru lahir itu. Entahlah. Tapi demi Allah xpenah langsung aku tpikir ke arah 2.

Maaflah kalau aku tlalu emosional ttg pkara ni. Mungkin org lain akan pkir, ala ni pkara kecik jer, tp kecik lagi hati aku yg menerima dugaan ni. I tried to get it off my mind, but it really stabbed me deep into my heart because it involves someone whom i really respect - a mother. I know that she has raised a good sons and daughters, but please consider that i'm too is someone else's son. I too have a mom.

And seeing you saying that to me, it's just making me felt very terrible. it feels like my mom has raised a bad son whom doesn't know any manners when speaking with others. People would always say that children behavior reflects their parents' manners as well, so for me its just another way of saying that my mom does not teach her kids well, which is so not true.

It's just a misunderstanding, and yet I really hurts me a lot.

Yes, I am an "anak mak". my mom is whom i hold dearest to, and making my mom or someone else's mom feeling sad or even offended is really one thing that I would hope never to do. Hence, I'm so sorry for all the commotion I've caused. Really do. Hope that all this confusion could be settled a.s.a.p. =(

Wednesday, 13 October 2010


Alhamdulillah. After a couple of weeks waiting, the list is finally out. I was offered to be interviewed for degree application of TESL. I really felt thankful for Him for all of His grace upon me. But that's just a one step forward, and the road is still a long way to go. People always say, no gain will come without pain. That's so true. The venue of the interview is at UiTM Shah Alam, and it will be conducted with the same day as my ETR presentation. What a dilemma!

For instance I feel like luck is not on my side and I would have to let go all of my dreams. But my heart says to me, there's definitely be obstacles before achieving triumph, but never to give up on them. And I have faith that God will never give such an opportunity for me to just seeing it just slipped from my hands like that. I believe that there is something that I need to accomplish in this life, and I really pray that God is still on my side.

Nonetheless, I don't want to sit here doing nothing, at least I want to try my best to pursue for it and let God do the rest.

To all my friends, thank you very much for giving me such a support. You all are treasures that I would lie deep into the bottom of my heart. And I would never forget all of you and such a memorable moments here. Ever.

Sunday, 10 October 2010

I'm almost 21. So what??

It's just one and a half month or so to go until I will officially celebrating my 21st birthday. But as I walk towards the so-called the golden period that divides between my teenage life and adulthood, it seems that there's no significant changes in my life - which in return gave me a sudden feel of demoralization. There's still no changes in the course of my life. I realized that until now, I have achieve nothing. What is more disappointing than that??

To tell you the truth, what I really have in my mind that defines what 21st is all about is something extraordinary: something that I should change or improvise regarding my progress in life.

Maybe other 21-year-old newbies have enjoy a degree of privileges venturing into new lifestyle or finding a new interests, or just already enjoying their life as a working-class Malaysian. What a great life lies ahead in front of them. All of these are the least changes that I've always imagined as reaching for the so-called sweet twenty-first.

At least the most pathetic achievement that I could think of is becoming less-dependent if not independent from the burden of family or just living everyday life to the fullest towards a great and memorable future.

But ironically for me, the advent of me reaching 21 has no significance - it does not feel any difference as when I celebrated my 12 years old birthday bash with cakes n friends etc. I mean where are the excitement? Is there even something to be celebrated about besides the fact I'm becoming older and part of my youth have slipped away meaninglessly??

Therefore I don't think I have anything to be celebrated for my 21st birthday. The truth is I've already planning for my future, but lacking of commitment seems to driven me afar from reaching it. I realize that planning is just a little step towards the future, but what matters is how we determined enough to pursue it.

I should stop thinking like a 12 years old kid whom just reaching his puberty and thinks that everything around him is still new and there's so much time to be wasted. Before I started to get into weird thinking that all was already too late and too insignificant to even move on, I really need a major makeover, up-close and personal. Both outside and inside! Pronto!
10.10.10 (the same day of the wedding of our famous astronauts which I've already missed because someone came up first and want to see Motor GP. Geez~!)
Starting today, I want to do what I really desired to do, not the other way around. The problem with me is that I like to ignore what my heart and mind tells me and just listening to the seduction from my lust in continuing to live a hollow and meaningless life.

It's really true Dr. M, that we Malays are tend to forget on everything when they are being pampered in the comfort zone. I want to change that fact. I will try my best to pursue my real dream instead of chasing silly dreams that can never happened.
"We can't become what we need by remaining what we are." -Max Dupree
God help me please. I need You more than ever.

Wednesday, 6 October 2010

Choosing the right choice

Everyone has their own dreams in life. So do I. But sometimes I felt confused with what I want to choose as my dream career. A doctor? A lawyer perhaps? None of that suits my heart.

By the time I stepped into here, I have set a purpose for my life: to give this 3 years of studying as an opportunity to explore different kind of fields, to seek which are the career that I dream for and looking for a job that I want to do with all my heart for the rest of my life.

By this three years I have found new friends and learnt about many new things, some of it are good in nature while others are really just good to be known for but never to be done. Finally these 3 years of learning finally came to an end. And it find me kinda troubled to think that all these years I have wasted n yet still no absolute decision on what I'm going to do next.

People always say that if your heart feels uncertain about making any big decisions, then ask for guidance from God. It's always been crossed in my heart all these while to consider performing Solat Istikharah, but in the advent of Eid that was just around the clock back then, with addition of my lack of time management results with me just asking from God via daily prayers only. No more.

But God is always merciful on me. By the time the application form almost meets its due date, I seek some counsel or rather to be surveying on what are my friends choices for their degree. I get a lot of comments and suggestions. But in the end, the advice from one of my best friend really opens my heart and mind.

I remembered the last thing he told to me when I was hesitating whether to put Biology or TESL as my first choice to pursue on becoming either a lecturer or at least a teacher (if God's permits it). He says, "Why do you want to choose something that you don't really like over the ones that you like the most? You really love to English so much, you can speak well in it, you enjoys everything regarding English so much, then why must you pursue into fields that you are not really into your heart with it?"

That question really struck me to the core. For some time now, I really have been clouded by the prospect of science-based field of studies. My decision before is really being confused by the thought that only science fields are capable to withstand the violent competition in the job sector. I was blinded by the thought that industry and medical are the only worthy option to be pursued to further my studies.

And the most important is I almost fall into the seducing thought that my CGPA's means that I should choose better fields which are much more challenging and throw away my own desires.

And thank God I've never done so. It feels like I've been given a revelation from God, a true sign that made me came back into my senses. And all the uncertain path ahead suddenly seems cleared. And finally I choose TESL as a major in pursuing my study and I never felt more confidence than this.

In the end, I always thinks that this was really a sign from God to show me my future. Maybe I'm not a very pious person, but I believe that God will always shows us the right path if we pray really hard for it. I believe that everything that God had planned for us, either it a good thing or the contrary, is His way of showing His love and charity towards us.

Everything that were written in our fates have its own blessing in disguise. After all, He is the All Knowing, the Omniscient. Hence never forget to be thankful for every single moments that we went through in our lives.

Tuesday, 5 October 2010

Sakitnya aku, membenci kamu. Sakit lagi mencintaimu

Benarkan ku 'tuk berbicara...
Bicara terus ke hati mu...
Hati mu...
Hati yang penuh rasa ragu
Jangan terus pergi
Tanpa mendengar ku
Mungkin mudah
Untuk kau terus berlalu
Nanti dulu
Berikanlah waktu
Untuk aku, untuk kamu

Ingatkah lagi waktu kau bersama ku
Kaku aku melihat mu
Lidah kelu sedangkan aku
Mahu kau tahu
Aku cinta pada mu
Benci pada mu
Cinta pada mu

Ke tepi lihat ku berlalu
Pasti itu yang terbaik untuk ku
Tiada lagi mahu ku tahu
Tentang hidup kamu
Tentang mati kamu
Aku tahu
Engkau tahu apa yang mata ku tahu
Apa yang kau tunggu
Mahu aku buka pintu?

Ingatkah lagi waktu kau bersama ku
Kaku aku melihat mu
Sedang aku mahu kau tahu
Dengar kata ku
Aku cinta pada mu
Benci pada mu
Cinta pada mu

Sakitnya aku
Membenci kamu
Sakit lagi mencintai mu
Dan aku pergi
Tapi kembali
Benci aku mencintai diri mu
Ku benci... Kamu
Ku cinta... Kamu

Sejak akhir2 ni aku memang xrase jemu mendengar lagu Bencinta ni. Hari2 aku mendengarnye berulang2 kali melalui mp3ku. Xsangka memg hebat penangan vokal Faisal Tahir ni. Kiranye memg xsia2 la tindakan dier meninggalkan kumpulan nasyidnya pada masa dulu dan berkecimpung solo di dalam arena muzik tanahair ni. Dah cukup cite psal dier kat cni. Ape yg aku nak citer pasal lagu die sbnrnye.

Sebenarnye dlm diam lagu ni membuatkan aku kompius tentang ape sbenarnye yg aku nak dlm hidup ni. Bile aku dgr lagu ni membuatkan aku teringat pada si A. Serius memg sebenarnye aku still xdapat nak lupekan dier spenuhnye walaupun sem lepas mcm nak rak meroyan segala bagai. Tapi kebenaran tersangat la ironi.

Aku slalu mbayangkan bahawa perasaan cinta pertama harusnye mjadi sesuatu memori indah yg xdpt aku nak lupe selamenye, but in reality ianya menjadi sesuatu yang sangat menyeksakan. In reality ianya adalah sesuatu yang xmungkin untuk aku kecapi. Bak kte org, diluah mati bapak, ditelan mati mak.

Hanya Tuhan je yg tau btapa seksanye aku utk melepaskan die. Kerana aku tau permintaan aku ini xmungkin akan tertunai. Even kalu somehow hubungan ini berlaku, aku xkan gembira dan tenang untuk menerima seadanye. Inilah jalan terbaek untuk kami berdua. Walaupun hidup kami bsilang di satu paksi namun kebenarannye, kami berjalan di trek yang berbeza. Semakin cepat aku terima kebenaran ni, semakin mudah utk aku move on. Sekurang2nye 2la yg aku aku harapkan. Namun ianya xsmudah yg dfikirkan.

So in the end aku mengambil keputusan utk membuang si die selamanya. Watpe nak simpan sesuatu yg xkan dapat aku miliki seumur hidup aku. Life is too short to be wasted on something trivial like that. At least 2la statemen aku bile nak pujuk diri sendri, wpun kdg aku trase life is meaningless without someone to shared with. Aku xnak hidup kat dunia ni sorg2, dan aku jugak xnak settle down awal2. So what's the point of making a serious relationship rite now?

So aku just pendam je ape yg aku rase, pendam dan terus pendam. Aku membayangkan mungkin suatu hari nnti bile umo aku mcecah 30an aku akan cari someone untuk mengisi kekosongan yg aku rasai selama ni. Tp aku masih terus tertanya2 sampai bile kah aku dapat berterusan berkeadaan begini. Ah! Biarkan! Jangan dilayan! Sibukkan dirimu dan jangan fikirkan tentangnya sahaful!

At least aku percaya yang Tuhan itu Maha Kaya. Aku percaya yang jodoh dan ajal maut itu adalah ketentuanNya. Dia lebih mengetahui ape yang terbaek untukku. Maka aku xkan membuat pilihan hidup mlainkan berdasarkan kehendakNya. Tidak sesekali aku akan mendahului diriku dari fitrahNya. Dan aku percaya si dia yang sejati - yang ditentukan olehNya untuk berkongsi hidup denganku masih ada diluar sane. Aku akan terus mencari, insyaAllah.

Ya Allah bantulah aku untuk mencari cintaku yang satu, yang dapat membimbingku ke arahMu, yang dapat membantu memberi ketenangan kepadaku, yang sentiasa menemaniku hingga ke akhir hayat... Amin~

Sunday, 3 October 2010

I'm feeling thankful, yet I'm still not contented

Last night when I was looking at Sassy Girl Chun Hyang, I could not myself let in astonishment looking at the life of its antagonist, President Byun. It's not his face that I'm so fascinated about but it was really just his way of life. The life of the Korean elites and conglomerates maybe far from reach, but I would say that I lie if I really not tempted with this kind of lifestyle.

Even Sir Nick said that business is 9/10 of the source of wealth in the world. Everything can be made into money, if you know how to do it. For some time right now it had been crossing through my mind towards venturing into these kind of sector, but I don't think I'm qualified enough. But who knows, time will tell whether God will give me the opportunity sooner or later.

When I choose to pursue my diploma here at UiTM Pahang, I've set up my mind that in this 3 years I will find the right course in my life that suits me, a life that I want to be for many years to come. A life that's full of passion but still obligatory with the teachings of God. I ventured into so many things, making friends with so many people, looking far beyond my previous life. Sometimes maybe it was a bad hair day, or maybe it was full of joy, but all of them are worth memories. I couldn't help but feeling grateful for everything that He gives me. Alhamdulillah.

And then this semester the big moment arrive, a moment where I should choose to set up the course of my life once and for all. It was something that I could evade before when fleeing here to UiTM, but I know I have to make the final option sooner or later. Thanks to my all my good friends, especially Khalid in which be friends with him for this three years had help me a lot in myself. He helps me how to express myself. I think he knows better how am I was back when I'm first starting here.

For him, Before I went here, I thought that by looking at incompetence I am with communication skill, spending here would definitely becomes a nightmare rather than a blessing. But God is benevolence. He gives me Khalid, Kikim, Kak Pah, Nok, Pan and others. Now I'm as happy as any other person would be. Because of them, I always feel happy and thankful with every moment that I has lived on. And I feel like I really feel indebted to Khalid for what he has done.

I've seen on drama at TV where good friends sometimes conflicted with each other but in the end that will make them stronger than ever, and I've had wished that maybe one day I could feel the same feeling too. And God really hear my pray. Maybe sometimes we're quarreling but that is friendship is all about. Sharing each other feelings and etc. But sometimes things came out unexpectedly.

I know he sometimes hides his true feelings, or just acting with others, or just behaving hypocritically or saying out escape lies to anyone that's new to him, or the one that makes him uncomfortable. That's what I know, or I think I really know after 6 semester with him. But all these years, I feel that the one he always tell out the truth or say what he really feels on almost everything is to me. But nowadays he's just becoming too secretive even with me. I couldn't help to feel that he tries to indulge me with his funny comments, but at the same time he concealed on his true feelings away from me. It's like he was uncomfortable with me, and started treating me like "other people".

These previous events couldn't make me wondering either he or me that has changed. I don't know. Maybe it was me who changed a lot and make he feels that I can no longer be trusted. Or maybe it was just only me feeling that he does not sharing-is-caring me enough. Whatever that I did or say that hurts you before, I really am sorry. It was kinda frustrated to feel that I was pushed away towards the corner, into the same group with the peoples that you don't really care about. It was really a jolly moments all these years, and therefore I don't want it to end like this.

So in the end I was hoping that there would be a turning point on this issue. But as people would say, the best solution starts with the truth. Hence I wrote again into to express my true feelings towards him. I want to ask no more other than forgiven on every misdeeds that I've done to you, and hope that we would share our true feelings again. And don't worry, these are the least issue that had troubled me right now, apart from the fact that final is just around the corner. I believe that everything can be solved.

Friendships always had its ups and downs after all, but in the end its perseverance that matters.

Wednesday, 31 March 2010

I'm Lost

the truth is.. im still confused.. i dont know what to expect in this journey of myself.. i tried to bring it back into the course of what i assume a true path, but in the end i realised that it is still bending towards somewhere else.. it's still going somewhere that only God's know where... I'm confused on what i am becoming rite now.. it's so much confusion between the right path and the path that I'm coursing into.. the truth is, im venturing much deeper into the abyss.. and i dont want to know on what to expect next..

i always asking myself, what am i want from this life.. but this question echoes around since the day i graduated from secondary school.. I've asked other people about this and hearing so many thoughts and consultation.. but still no more from myself.. im still blinded with the answer.. it's so pathetic... but still it is the truth.. i'm confused.. and i don't even know where to begin anymore...

Saturday, 6 March 2010

Kesah Benar di Suatu Petang yang Angker

Kisahnye bermula beberapa jam lalu.. tiada diketahui dari mana asal usulnye, namun yang pasti dongeng ini telah lama meniti di bibir setiap pelajar di UiTM Pahang nh.. mitos serta lagenda ini bermula sejak pembukaan blok baru yang terletak di atas tanah tinggi sri gading yang terkenal dgn pelbagai kisah mistiknya yang sentiasa menghantui mereka2 yang menjejakkan diri ke sana semasa kem PBSM atau Kesat atau yang sealiran dengannyer..

Namun bukan kisah seram dari belantara sri gading itu yg ingin dijadikan topik penglipur lara pada malam ini, tetapi kisah di sebalik blok baru yg kini telah rasminya dibuka oleh PM mase cuti CNY hr 2, yg tidak semua ketahui akan rahsia di sebalik hutan batu yg pada zahirnya permai itu..

Seperti yg sedia maklum, sebelum ini sering berlaku kisah di mana terdapat student2 yg mgalami gangguan2 ala2 supernatural apabila berada di blok tersebut.. yang paling kecoh adalah story di mana seorang plajar yg pergi ke kelasnye seorang diri di suatu petang yg suram kerana x mendapat msj dari lecternya yg telah telah meng-sms classmate yg lain bhwa kelas pd wak2 ptg tsebut telahpun dibatalkan.. dan die dgn naifnya sampai kelas tersebut..

Anehnya apabila die tiba di sana, semua "classmate" dan "lecturer"nye skali telah berada di dalam kelas tsebut, dan kelas seperti baru ingin dimulakan.. si mangsa yg langsung x mengesyaki ape2 trus masuk menyertai "kelas" tersebut... dan apa yg berlaku pada plajar yg malang itu?

tanye miss r****n..

Kini ade satu lg story hangat lagi yg baru berlaku pada hari ini.. kisah yg panas yg mjadi sebutan ramai mengenai seorg hamba Allah yg kononnye seorg lecturer nh.. mungkin ramai yg tertnye2 sapekah lect yg dmaksudkan..? subjek apekah yg diajarkannya..? sume curious kan.. tapi the truth is die bkn sebarangan lect.. die adelah lect yg xsepatutnye berada di kalangan lect.. SEORANG LECT MISTERI YG MENGHANTUI BLOK2 BARU DI UiTM PAHANG..

Korang ingat aku men2 ke?? dah mjadi bualan org kot tentg misteri lect yg x btauliah nh.. dan bukan seorg dua yang dah terjumpa dgnnye.. modus operandinye, bermula ala2 class biase, namun berakhir dengan hilaian n histeria student2 nye..

Dan suatu kisah benar telah terjadi pada diriku sndri di suatu petang yg suram, di tempat letak kereta yg aku dah x ingt kat blok mane.. d mane aku bersua dgn seorg lect pompuan bbaju kurung wane merah darah dikelilingi oleh beberapa oleh student laki yg bbaju putih.. mula2 aku just ignore jek diorg 2, dan xpk bkn2 sbb aku nk cepat balik ke kolej.. maklumla dah lewat ptg.. dan diorg pn bjalan agak jauh d belakang.. then tibe2..

Lect pompuan 2 rebah kat atas jalan! kaget aku dibuatnye.. aku tgk student2 yg kat sekelilingnye pun mcm mggelabah xtau nak wat pe.. diorg panggil aku mtk tolong.. so aku pun bjalan pantas ke arah diorg.. baru 2,3 langkah bjalan, tetibe lect 2 bangun dan merangkak! maunye x sentap aku..

Aku bhenti melangkah.. cuba menduga ape yg blaku seterusnye.. bile student2 die cube nk angkat die, die menggelepar dan meronta2.. mulut die meracau2 mengatakan sesuatu.. aku just tgamam melihat peristiwa nh.. aku cube mndekati lect 2 dan cube mbantu student die pgg lect 2.. dan tibe2 dalam separuh sedar lect 2 merintih sayu spt d dalam kesedihan...

"tolong..!! tolong semua.. tolong selamatkan mereka... semua bangunan akan hancur lebur.. kasihan.. ramai budak2 yang mati tertimbus kat situ... tolonglah sesiapa... tolong selamatkan mereka sebelum terlambat... sebelum bom itu meletop...!!"

Lebih kurang camnilah rintihan lect pompuan 2 aku dgr.. tp rintihan sebenar lebih sayu dan myeramkan.. pucat lesi aku melihatnya kerasukan sebegitu rupa.. die kelihatan seperti org yg diseksa.. spt berada di dalam kesakitan yg tramat sgt... tetibe aku teringat kisah lect misteri yg mjadi bualan org 2.. bulu roma aku trus meremang.. aku mendekati die, cuba menenangkan die... tapi die trus mencengkam lengan aku... dan die terus berkata dengan renungan yg tajam,

"kau pergi cepat!! pergi selamatkan semua sebelum semuanya terlambt..!! pergi selamatkn budak2 2... ade bom yg bakal meletop... dan mereka bakal terkorban.. carinya cepat sebelum banyak nyawa melayang...!!" serentak dengan 2 aku pitam..

Sedar2 aku dah ade kat alamanda, putrajaya.. aku konfius.. mase 2 waktu kat sana dah malam.. dan pusat belibelah 2 penuh dengan org lalu lalang di sana sini.. tapi kata2 lect misteri bbaju merah tadi masih terngiang2 di telingaku.. tetiba aku rase mcm dlm filem, dan aku adalah heronye.. dan ramai org bakal tkorban kalu aku lambat btindak!!

Dgn ditemani 2-3 org student bbaju putih 2, aku meluru ke depatmen sekuriti shoppg cmplex 2.. aku bjumpa dgn salah seorg yg btugas.. aku mceritakan padanya yg aku mdapat panggilan yg mgatakan tempat ini ade disembunyikan bom! pd mulanya die seakan susah utk percya, tapi memndgkan ini adalah isu kselamatan dan mlibatkan nyawa org awam, die bgegas utk mengambil langkah pencegahan - semua pengunjung diarah keluar dr alamanda tersebut..

Dgn sekelip mata pusat belibelah tersebut telah btukar mjadi pusat beli dan blah.. sume org bpusu2 mcari jalan keluar dr kompleks tersebut.. dan aku pulak tgh fikir, di mana pula nk kesan kedudukan bom 2?? kompleks tu terlalu besar utk mcari bom itu secara myeluruh.. dan adalah mustahil utk mlakukannya dlm suatu jgkamasa yg singkat.. aku harus pantas mcari pnyelesaian..

Tibe2 dlm kekalutan 2, aku teringat kate2 lect misteri 2.. "banyak budak2 yg akan terkorban dlm letupan 2.." so kesimpulan aku letupan 2 mestilah bermula pada tempat yg mjadi tumpuan kanak2.. so tempat yg paling obvious mestilah.... G-City Arcade! aku terus bgegas mengutarakan kepada pak guard kat c2 supaya mula mcari d area 2.. dan aku pon turut mencari.. sehinggalah tibe di suatu section semua pengawal mula bkumpul di luar satu pintu seakan2 teragak2 utk memasukinya.. seperti terdapat sesuatu di dalamnya yg mengancam mereka.. tp aku terus menolak pintunye dan meluru masuk...

Di dalam, suasananya sungguh mengejutkan.. di dalam bilik tersebut keadaannya spt sebuah kelas.. mungkin ini adalah suatu bentuk program interaktif yg dijalankan oleh pihak alamanda utk kanak2.. tapi aku pelik melihat riak muka setiap pelajar di situ.. sumenye menunjukkan muke gementar dan takut.. keadaan mereka seakan terpaksa berada di situ.. ade lebih kurang 30 org sumenye.. aku memandang meja guru di hadapan.. duduk seorang perempuan bertudung dan bercermin mata serta memakai baju merah... wajahnya tak tumpah seperti lect misteri 2!

Aku meluru kepadanya.. aku bertanyakannya di manakah bom itu disembunyikn.. die tsenyum sinis seraya mengeluarkan pistol dr bawah mejanya lalu diacukan kepadaku.. satu das tembakan dilepaskan memecah kesunyian, namun aku dapat mengelaknya.. die cuba berlari ke pintu keluar di belakang bilik tersebut, dan aku terus mengejarnya..

Sekali lagi die mengacukan pistolnya kepadaku, dan beberapa das tembakan dilepaskan.. aku tergamam apabila melihat darah berjujuran keluar dari tubuh.. tubuh perempuan misteri berbaju merah itu berlubang dijarah oleh peluru rifle yg dilepaskan oleh pengawal yg berada tidak jauh di belakangnya.. rupanya pengawal2 tersebut terus meluru masuk apabila mendengar tembakan yg pertama tadi.. perempuan itu menghembuskan nafasnya yg terakhir di situ juga..

Setelah segalanya selesai dan semua kanak2 diselamatkan, seorang pengawal memberitahuku bahawa bom telah ditemui di bawah meja perempuan terbabit dan telah berjaya dimatikan.. aku hanya tergamam di atas segala kejadian yg berlaku pada hari itu.. melihat kesan darah kering di lantai.. aku tertanya2.. jikalau inilah perempuan sebenar yg mnjadi dalang kepada pengeboman itu, siapakah pula "perempuan" yg aku temui di tempat letak kereta pada ptg td??

kucuba mencari pelajar2 berbaju putih yg menemaniku sebelum ini utk bertanyakan kepada mereka.. namun semuanya lenyap entah ke mana.. sehinggalah ke saat ini, setelah aku tersedar dari mimpi buruk yg panjang itu, aku masih tertanya2 tanpa dapat menemui jawapannya...

moral of the story, hati2 dgn lect korg, coz die mungkin lect yg aku citekan tadi.. hehe

NOTA: Qarin berasal daripada bahasa Arab bererti teman atau pasangan. Istilah qarin bererti roh-roh jahat, yang terdiri daripada makhluk-makhluk halus yang sentiasa mendampingi manusia, sejak seseorang itu dilahirkan sehinggalah dia meninggal dunia.

Saturday, 20 February 2010

I'm dethroned!

Every people have their own site of glory.. and glory is not only achieved when one's living in a magnificent palace or castle, or have a $$$ as far as 7-8 digits or becoming the most powerful person on earth.. No, glory for me is when you come to a place that fits you like a king and you feel that you are the master of everything in the realm, even if it's just your imagination.. well, that sounds like a myth, but in my case it does exists..

For years since the "glorious revolution" that took away a year ago at my hometown, from that moment it felt like i was being crowned as a duke or whatever with the title of The Biggest Loser of Jengka, or at least that's what i think! and from this all the commotions started...

This epic continues this year, after a long end-semester holiday.. firstly it's hard to believe that I'm started to lose grip on the so-called "crown of thorn".. but as hard as achieving it, its important for me to keep hold on it, as it is THE source of glory to continue my reign for the next 3-4 years and so on.. but the temptation! with 24-7 of kinda variety of foods available in the cafe, it's damn hard to sustained my place in the throne! and the signs of deterioration is escalating everything every time i see it in front of the mirror.. but at that time i just ignored it..

As the throne is slipping through my grip, somehow i still could managed to overcome it, by trying to retain back the full power of my glory.. trying to eat less, or just eat bread, or jogging like almost everyday, everything seems doesn't work for me, or just work for a short while.. for me, losing the privileges to taste different kind of foods is like loosing what is meant in my life! but this so-called privileges doesn't come empty-handed.. because when we want something, we will have to lose something.. and for a long time i still dont realise that part yet, until one tragedy occurs that changes everything..

It happen during shopping with my mother at the store.. since there is no other good place to shop at tangkak, maybe that is one of my favorite place at my hometown.. well, i kinda plan on looking for a new jeans to use in the class, and after looking for a while, i found the almost-perfect jeans for me.. the texture.. the design.. kinda nice in it's own standards, one that doesn't involve ROMP i mean..

But there is one problem - the jeans are only available in size 31! suddenly i realize that with my rate of expansion, there is no way that the jeans will fit on my thighs! but for some reason, i'm still thinking that i still have the "thing" to make this jeans fit on me.. and that proves to be a bad idea! as i'm trying my best to wear it, suddenly the vision of Tori trying to suck-it-in the disguise "Tiffany Wilson" and when Lisa showing her "talking tummy" to Brit in White Chicks came out! OMG now i realise how pathetic my situations are!

It's hard to imagine, but at that moment i realised that the glory of being fit for any type of clothes beyond my standards has evaporates completely! and I've been officially stripped from my 32-inch list!! it feels like that i'm not belong at there or anywhere anymore.. and my reign on the fabulous clothes and jeans is all over!! God that's so miserable.. and depressed!

So i just left there with my last fragments of dignity, leaving my territory for a while for others that are more suitable for the throne.. but don't think this is the end, because one day i will come back to claimed the throne that i've lost.. and the duel is still not over yet!

Saturday, 6 February 2010

7 Deadly Sins

New chapter has started today, but definitely last nite is a nite to be remembered.. With scandalous gossips, back-stabbing, and jealousy as well as hatred that happens behind the scene of a so-called "corrupted" yet wanna look like still holds some sort of unity, as they said.. Always count on us when it is related to hypocrisy! Yeah, like h*** said, life here is full of drama.. and like it or not, we are a part of it.. so play it or get dismissed!

The first behind-the-scene drama of the year.. that had happen just as recently as last nite but it rooted like from since the Roman Empire or something.. which involves one of the seven deadly sins, an epic which involve two words: POLITICS and POWER! Yes, the struggle to obtain power and influence has come to a new chapter this semester, with someone is being boycotted?? Yes, this dark game had ended with a sacrifice, a sacrifice that comes in combo with his new achieved power.. With great power comes great responsibility.. and for him, great responsibility also means social wreck! Poor him.. thank God life is like a wheel, today you maybe fall down, but you will always get on to the top eventually! or maybe he hasn't down yet? who knows, maybe he still holds some tricks on his sleeves..

Maybe someone might wondered who that might be, or everyone has figured it out already? Sorry, but here we hav one absolute rule - privileges of censorship.

And now for the second drama, not as vicious as the first, but it also involves WRATH and someone being kicked out of the picture! Yes after a very long period of dormancy and concealment, mount Vesuvius has finally erupted! and it definitely involves casualty in term of relationship.. in the end someone is stepping down involuntarily after a long struggle for his own survival.. but it doesn't end there everyone! as I've heard, new volcanic activity has emerged deep underwater as a result of the previous eruption, and it's escalating into a level that it could break out anytime and anywhere! Gosh does we really need WWIII here?? definitely not at my place!

More info? ask the meteorologists!

The third drama is quite dramatic, i mean who knows that there is a crocodile that lurks behind calm water.. crocodile in the form of Eve.. well now finally they resurfaced, in the most barbaric way that no one will ever believe it until they sees it.. which involves calling nasty names, condemnation, cursing... and witchcraft??! OMG who knows that the Bell Witch are finally here, in this remote and hostile jungle! how VANITY destroys everything! but the details are still very cloudy, since the girls has kinda have their oath of secrecy or watever.. but one thing for sure, it will leak eventually and end up here definitely.. Beware girls, your big dark secret would not remain secrets forever!

And suddenly i remembered about this one girl which thinks that she was the most beautiful person in her own fantasy kingdom under the rainbow.. which all of her subjects and peoples praised and loved her.. and she have a magic mirror in her chamber that always tells her, "you are.. you're the fairest of them all.." sounds like barbie, right..? well just loose that R and E, because she does not realize that she was a red-haired witch and the mirror's lied! I barely knew her but she gave me a warm welcome by calling me a stalker.. well, thank you for your warm hospitality witch.. it's warmed me hot enough that it gets into my nerves to write this.. Be careful witch, because if you slipped your veil too much with your big mouth, you'll end up being burnt at the stake!

The last, but not the least, involves ROMANCE.. it is about a controversial story of not triangular, but hexagonal love that criss-crosses between six different person.. yes 6! sounds like a myth, and it may have.. since this story only occurs one way at a time, so its really hard to keep up with it, or to really understand the relationships.. but one thing for sure, all the six figures definitely has a crush on someone else in the circle! cannot picture it on your head yet? just remember benzene ring, and you'll get the idea.. but as the trails are barely noticeable, it may just end up with just a speculation after all.. or is it..?

But not all girls stories involve controversies and foul play.. Some are like fairy tale stories, which end up happily ever after.. at least for now. Here, in this post full of controversies and dramas that happened under my nose, if it is not too late, i would like to say cheers to my classmate for her 21st birthday which happened last Thursday the 3rd.. and i hope that this week is the best week of her life.. may all her wish and dreams come true.. if God permits it.. ^^

In the end, deadly sins will always becomes man's (or women) best friend.. and from that, new-born controversies and deadly scandals will again becomes the headlines of this blog.. Until then, sayonara everyone.. x.0.x.0

Saturday, 30 January 2010

Fantastic work of art, that is Legion

I cant wait to see the new movie, Legion.. it's trailer really get my attention.. "what's happen when God lost faith in human, again?" so catchy, rite? nevertheless, the Christians are really done it this time.. first Constantine, and then this? they really like experimenting with their religion i guess.. that what makes me felt interest with Christianity, is how they make their religion as a vessel of art.. not devotion..

at the beginning maybe this religion are based on the true teaching of God through His servant Jesus, but as the history continues, this religion is systematically being changed and its fundamental is being altered in one way or another.. starting with the divinity of Jesus.. then the condemnation of Mary Magdalene.. it is like an art, which is always in motion yet so abstract.. and changes dramatically within the flow of time.. pieces by pieces the theology of Christianity is being broken up and reassembled many times by various person according to their own believes and dogma, and this definitely involves substantial changes in biblical literature and teachings.. therefore, modification of the true concept occurs..

the art is initially born from the divine revelations from a God to His messenger, Jesus but later on it develops into more mortally, less-divine but still dramatic intervention - a fabricated work of art.. i always fascinated with the biblical story - the story of Joan of Arc for example.. a story of whom a peasant girl claimed to possess a divine vision from God which asking her to liberate France from England.. thinking at the rational side of it, why God suddenly becomes interested in political issues? and asking for mortal being to do God's job?? that's just so christian! just like the priest, a man who definitely have sins of their own, suddenly possess the power to grant salvation to others!

maybe God has a point to lose His faith on His children.. the coup d'état of His power of salvation to mankind by the clergy really leads Him nothing to hold towards His servants.. sounds ironic for a man called God!

and then suddenly i remember the story of the Ecstasy of St. Theresa, of which i find out from the famous novel Angels & Demons and search for it at Wikis.. basically it is a story of St. Theresa, a woman of who claimed an angel come from nowhere to her and fuck her with a so-called holy arrow~ and that's something spiritual?? my God that's happen like everyday and everywhere after a wild "cocktail" party! but nevertheless i still like the sculpture though.. it has an art value in it, a pristine delicacy with a reflection of intimacy yet looks so pure and naive.. but not divine at all!

but in the end, christians always shows how they like their work of art changes and progress with the advance of time.. in the crucifixion of Jesus, they interpret it as a divine act of salvation via Jesus' blood, while the truth is just Jesus himself is being back-stabbed by his own apostles.. then the act of Emperor Constantine, which again alter the foundation of Christianity by making Jesus the son of God and mix it with pagan teachings.. then the selling of the Certificate of Indulgences and the Catholic's domination, which eventually leads to the formation of protestants and reforms.. then the renaissance came, where people eventually become fed up with all the religious intolerance and reduce its values in their daily life, proclaiming that Science and Reason are the new God for progress.. which eventually makes the gospels looks no more than a fairytale and destroys the centuries' grip of heavens on mankind..

then now, at the 21st century - all the alteration that occurs within the Christianity, dated back more than a millennium are being resurfaced by famous novels and movies.. and radical changes in the form of perspective and doctrines are still occurs.. all this shows how Christianity develops not through the perspective of God, but merely through the eyes of its devotees..

and it doesn't stop there.. in Constantine, it shows that even God's most trusted being - Gabriel can also becomes misled in his judgment and try to involve into 'human's salvation' campaign through the release of pure evil into the world.. and now Legion, where God is said to lost His faith in human and suddenly forgetting His apocalyptic promise in Bible and sent His angels to destroy human kind a.s.a.p.. right before suddenly there is an angel denying that order and trying to protect what he believes that will save human from total annihilation! that's so dramatic, if not confusing..

so in the end, i realized that in christian point of view, politics and dramas occurs not even at earth, but also in heaven as well.. gosh~ we human and heavenly beings suddenly becomes so much alike!

so why just only human beings are being judged and thrown into either Hell and Heaven, while the angels gets free tickets to cloud nine?? that's not fair!! maybe there will be a story about that, who knows.. and the foundation of Christianity will be changed once more under the name of art...

Thursday, 28 January 2010

Hikayat Si Jelita dan Si Capik

Alkisah di sebuah negeri tinggallah seorang puteri yg bersemayam di sebuah singgahsana.. puteri itu sangatlah cantik dan jelita dari luarannya hinggalah dalamannya menyebabkan berduyun2 lah kaum kerabat serta putera2 dari pelosok benua datang ingin menyuntingnya.. namun ditolaknya dengan baik dengan alasan tiada yg bertaut di hatinya.. then datanglh si capik ini yg dlm diamnya menaruh perasaan thadap si puteri yg tiada tolok bandingnya itu..

Si capik ini secara diam telah terpaut dengan puteri itu.. tidak pernah lagi hatinya disentuh oleh seorang perempuan pun sebelum ini.. namun perwatakan puteri itu yang mahsyur lagi menarik perhatian, serta turut menjadi kesayangan rakyatnya benar2 menarik hatinya.. si capik mula berkira2 ingin mengorak langkah seterusnya.. sungguh tidak sedar diri si capik itu.. fikirannya berkata mana mungkin si puteri yg gah di singgahsananya itu boleh memandangnya apatah lagi menerimanya sebagai teman hidup! namun hati kecil si capik menaruh juga sedikit harapan padanya, kerana dia percaya ajal maut dan jodoh itu segalanya di tangan Tuhannya.. namun tidak diketahuinya, bahawa si puteri itu telahpun mempunyai "knight in shining armor"nya yg telah lama bertakhta di hatinya.. tidaklah juga si capik itu tahu bahawa si puteri itu tidak pernah terniat untuk mencari.. tidaklah dia tahu bahawa si puteri itu sebenarnya dalam diam TELAHPUN DIMILIKI...

Dengan rasa hati yang membara, si capik itu pun bertemulah dengan si puteri yang digilainya itu.. namun tidak diberitahu tujuan sebenar ia datang, dari riak mukanya tidak lebih dari sekadar ingin berbasa-basi sahaja bersama sang puteri itu.. puteri itu yang sememangnya mempunyai budi pekerti yang mulia dan tidak pernah memandang seseorang itu berdasarkan paras rupa dan kedudukan, melayan si capik itu dengan senang hati.. maka bertambah2 gembiralah si capik itu.. semakin tinggi menggununglah impiannya, setinggi Gunung Tahan yang tersergam gagah di balik Titiwangsa sana..

Setelah agak lama beradu kata, akhirnya si capik mempunyai keberanian yg cukup untuk bertanyakan suatu soalan cepu cemas kepada si puteri itu.. namun seperti mana bijaknya si capik itu menyembunyikan perasaannya, begitulah juga bijaknya sang puteri itu.. sang puteri berjaya menyembunyikan perasaannya yg terpendam.. lalu dikatakannya dengan baik kepada si capik itu bahawa dia masih tidak mempunyai pilihan hati lagi.. maka gembiralah si capik mendengarnya.. berbungalah hatinya.. namun masih tidak diketahuinya bahawa si puteri itu adalah seorang yg bijak berkata2..

Adapun tidak diketahui oleh siapapun apakah tujuan si puteri ini berterusan menyembunyikan statusnya.. mungkinkah kerana baginda berasa kasihan terhadap si capik ini, lalu cuba untuk menjaga hatinya.. atau mungkin baginda berfirasat bahawa segala yang melibatkan perasaannya hanyalah miliknya jua.. dan baginda tidak mahu campurtangan pihak lain dalam urusannya.. Wallahualam..

Namun akhirnya sikap sang puteri yg sungguh bijak berkata2 membuatkan si capik berasa agak curiga padanya, seperti menurut firasatnya puteri ini masih mempunyai suatu hijab yang sangat sulit lagi persendirian sifatnya, namun dia berasakan bahawa harus mengetahuinya.. lalu terdengarlah si capik ini mengenai seorang tua yang bergelar Nenek Kebaya yang tinggal di atas angin sana.. Nenek Kebaya ini adalah pengasuh bagi Sang Puteri itu dan selalu berulang alik dari istana ke terataknya di atas angin membawa bunga2an yang dijadikan wangian untuk dijual kepada kerabat istana..

Pada suatu hari yang dingin, si capik berseorangan telah menuju ke pinggir kampung di mana terdapatnya sebuah rimba tebal.. jauh berbalam2 di tengah rimba itu, sayup2 kelihatan Gunung Atas Bayu yang kabur diliputi kabus pagi.. si capik perlahan dengan segala kudratnya meredah belantara itu.. perjalanan yang sungguh jauh lagi mengambil masa dua hari setengah itu akhirnya membawa si capik itu ke kaki gunung yang gah lagi terkenal dengan lagendanya itu.. kini dia menyusur air yang mengalir di celah2 gunung itu yang pada firasatnya akan membawanya ke puncak.. perjalanan ke puncak itu penuh onak berduri namun berbekalkan smangat dan cinta yg suci berserta izin Tuhannya maka dia akhirnya berjaya juga sampai ke puncaknya.. dan ditemuinya teratak mewah ala2 blok Fimiana milik Nenek Kebaya itu..

Akhirnya si capik itu bertemu juga dengan Nenek Kebaya itu.. lalu ditanyakannya akan perihal sang puteri itu.. akhirnya si capik itu dengan segala usaha dan penat lelahnya, dia dapat merungkai kebenaran yang dirasakannya bagai kaca terhempas ke batu lalu dipijak2 n dileyek2 pula dengan high heel.. sungguh malang lagi sadis nasib yang menimpa si capik itu! dia akhirnya tidak dapat menerima kenyataan.. dan sebelum si Nenek Kebaya dapat berbuat apa2, si capik terus berlari dengan air mata yang bercucuran tiada henti2 ke cerun yang curam di tepi gunung itu lalu terjun tanpa berfikir lagi.. lalu hilanglah dia ditelan kabus gunung yang tebal itu..

ADAKAH SEMUDAH ITU HIDUP SI CAPIK ITU BERAKHIR?? haha xmungkin! rupanya di hujung cerita ini si capik bangun terpinga2.. rupanya dia bmimpi!! akhirnya dalam diam dia memahami maksud mimpinya itu.. bmimpi di siang hari tidak akan pernah menjadi kenyataan.. akhirnya die redha dan pasrah.. rasa hatinya disimpan lalu dikunci kemas2 jauh di sudut sanubarinya.. lalu si capik yang malang itu pun meneruskan perjalanannya....