Monday, 28 September 2009

A Series of Unfortunate Events

Yesterday was so not my day.. Starting in the morning, i tried to woke up early to finish my biology reports.. Unfortunately, i could not finished the reports on time..

So i just bring the unfinished work to class and planning to continue there..
And i tried my best to prepare early to my biology lab class, and thank god i did come on time.. Unfortunately, i forgot to bring my lab coat.. so i had to run and rush back to my room to take it.. It's so ironic to think that i started the first day and the first class after Eid with a jog and sweat.. huhu..

At the lab, thank God there is plenty time to do my reports and Alhamdulillah i managed to finished it..
Unfortunately, Ipin did not photocopy the lab-report covers yet, so i have to wait until the end of the class to submit it..

After class, khalid and i went to have lunch at the cafetaria. Finally, after we are about to finish our lunch, Ipin came and gave us the lab-report covers that he'd
just photocopied.. Looking that the time which is just 11.30am, we thought we have a plenty of time and decided to go to the library to complete the cover form. At there, we met Eddy Fernandez studying.. Unfortunately, i am so excited about the movie preview for the weekend that he showed us, without noticing that time had passes very fast around us.. But i barely finished the report cover on time - at 11.55pm.. and it must be submitted before noon sharp!

And i ran into the lecturer's block and dashes to the lecturers room..
but as i suspected, unfortunately she's not in her room anymore, and the room's locked! I felt so depressed at that moment and trying to find her, assuming that she is just leaving the room and still around the co rner.. but she was nowhere to be found.

Devastated, i put the reports on her pigeon hole.. hoping that there is still some room for her acceptance. Not to mention mark deduction! huhu..
At that moment, all the cherry blossom and festive moods are all gone.. I felt so depressed at that moment..

Thinking that maybe i could overcome this by getting a short nap, i rushed back to my room, hoping for a little moment of tranquility..
Unfortunately, my roomates are having a 'gotong-royong' at the room! It left me speechless and i dont know what to do, or even to think at that moment.. But i just sat silently at my bed, letting them finished their works.. And at that moment i'm still wondering what trouble that lies ahead after this..

At the evening, i was hoping that all the problems that our chemistry lecturer faced during the Ramadan are already being settled.. I do know that she may have some misunderstanding and awkward situation with us, but i think all of that are just old stories that are tend to be forgotten, especially after Raya.. And i expect that we will have a happy class, just like always.. But unfortunately, she never shows up, with no messaging and whatsoever!

Well, don't know what to think anymore, i went home with one of my colleague.. and he came to a visit at my room and we have a chat about raya and all. And the chat
ting went on and on about family etc.. At that moment, i feel that i can divert my thoughts about all the things that happen today by listening to him chattering.. Unfortunately, that's before he open some of the shocking revelations that i could not imagine that it actually came from his mouth! It gave a freaking hell out of me!! About the thing that we talked, just say that i makes me feel do not want to become or involved in this "gaia" thing anymore.. huhu..

After that, i felt like all around me is just collapsing.. Suddenly it make me think on myself - what am i becoming? what choices does i must follow? do i really want to end becoming the thing that i was becoming right now?? OMG the pressure is soo escalating! I don't know what to do, and i've lost my mood to study too last night.. Feeling like i need an escape route, i went down with my friend to for dinner.. But to be honest, my escape getaway doesn't work!

Guess what happen next? More unfortunate things of course! It's just when I'm in front of the door of my room that i finally realised that i does not bring the key! With all of m
y roomates are out at Jengka, all is becoming one hell of a night to me.. I think at myself, what is the possibility that i could get so many unfortunate events in just one day like this?? I wonder why God gave me such a burden today, on the first day of study?? What's wrongdoings that i have done to make me deserve this??

But when i'm thinking deeper, remembering what that I've done during the past weeks of raya, i think in some way, God is paying cash to me, and i guess i deserves this..

And i wondering off around the hostel.. feeling lonely without purpose.. i tried to find some sense of calm on my friends room, but it just adding up my miserable.. so i went out, walking alone without any way to go.. and that is when i saw it... the only place that is always open to all who visiting it.. the only place that ones can seek refuge, seeking redemption and searching for the true peace.. physically and emotionally.. the only place where i can see the lights despite the darkness that surrounded me - The House of God..

Suddenly my heart felt that there is a glimpse of hope there.. an answer that i was looking for was only metres away in front of me.. And i went there for His compassionate... in His house.. Uwais al-Qarni.. At there i perform the last daily prayers there..

Suddenly something happen..
Like an angels touch, someone touch my shoulders, and i knew that i have to become an imam for someone that have just arrived.. So i just continue my prayer.. Suddenly i felt that there is a responsible upon my shoulders.. i continue my prayers, with my heart continuously pray to Allah, may He accept my ibadah and all the makmum behind me.. And Alhamdulillah, it ends well..

After that night, i always wonder to myself, is this the path of redemption that God tried to show me? He had showed me His straight path when i felt completely lost.. And now it is now on me to make the final decision.. It's still rest upon my hand to choose.. And i talk to myself, i will try my best to change the bad side of me.. even it takes time and sacrifices, i will try my best to follow His path.. InsyaAllah..

There is always a light at the end of the tunnel.. For all the unfortunate events that i have endured, who knows that hikmah is waiting at the end of it?

God always has His own way of showing His true path towards the one He chooses..

In the end, i realised that yesterday is not so all unfortunate indeed..

Saturday, 26 September 2009


Hmm.. aku xtau la bpe org yg dah baca blog Moment of Truth 2..
but bdasarkan feedback yg aku dapat, aku rase ade gak kot 2,3 org yg mbacanye..
ade yg rase touching.. ade yg rase sedih.. marah dll
trus terang, aku xkisah kalu korg nak rase emosional pas baca mende 2..

korang tau x knp aku tls blog??
coz itu adalah satu2nye cara utk aku mluahkan perasaan aku..
sbb aku ni manusia biase, kalu tsentap & xpuas ht dgn seseorg memg adat la..
tapi dsebabkan aku nh jnis yg xpndai nk mlaha org, aku lbh cenderung utk simpan je..

tp kalu dh tlalu byk simpan, or tlalu kerap dsentap dgn pkara yg sama,
bnda yg kecik boleh jadi BARAH..
then dari BARAH, plahan2 btukar mjadi DENDAM..
and at that point, ia akan plahan2 btukar mjadi BALAS DENDAM,
or DENDAM nh akan memakan diri sendri kalu terus PENDAM..
Dan ape yg jadi seterusnya...??

so utk diri aku, aku memg jnis org yg pendam..
wpun g2, aku tetap bsyukur,
coz aku jnis yg xsimpan dlm hati, apatah lagi nk bdendam bpanjangan..
kalu tsentap pon plg lama shari dua je, pastu elok dah..
xsuke gado2 or mrh lame2..

tp mslhnye, bl sifat aku cam2,
ade lak yg mengambil kesempatan..
best2 je myentap org, langsung xtau nk jaga hati kwn..
kalu skali dua wat cm2, aku leh terima..
tapi kalu dah stiap kali bsua asyik kne sentap, sape yg blh tahan..

so the best solution i got, is getting a safe distance between him n me..
tapi aku memg xnk bnda nh bpanjangan pon..
Alhamdulillah, pas aku tlis blog 2,
plahan2 hati aku trubat semula..
hilang dah rase kcwa, mrh, sentap, skt ht..
sumenye dah aku curahkan dlm blog 2..
and once more, i can move on with my life..

tp bukan 2yg aku nk cite skrg nh
mslhnye, skrg nh ade pulak kontroversi tbaru bhubung blog 2..
ade hamba2 Allah nih, cuba pulak nk jadi hero dlm situasi nh..
cuba nk mhukum org2 yg aku sebutkn namenye dlm blog 2 dgn mberi sms layang..
ntah hape2 je

mule2 aku rase klakar jugak..
trase ala2 mcm artis pulak, di attack gossip, kontroversi segala..
tp utk pgetahuan pihak2 yg btggjwb 2,
korg memg xbtggjwb, coz korg attack slh org! hehe
len kali tnye la aku dlu sblm buat ape2 konklusi..

utk pgetahuan korg,
aku tulis blog 2 bkn sbb aku xpuas hati dengan prangai khalid,
tapi aku xpuas hati dgn org yg cuba myebarkan kisah bukan2 psl aku ngan khalid,
n org yg same gak yg myentap aku habis2an b4 ramadan yg lalu..
so xplu la sape2 nk jadi ala2 paparazi n mcetuskan spekulasi pulak..
i dont need that kind of crap

n kepada hambe Allah yg cuba mjadi hero, kononnye la..
pcayalah, takde sape yg mharapkan kewujudan anda..
aku tlis blog nh bukan nak cari pyokong @ bls dendam kt sape2,
but just want to share the things that revolve around my life..
kalu nak baca, baca la.. tapi jgn mandai2 wat ksimpulan sndri pulak..



Thursday, 17 September 2009

Salam Aidilfitri!!!

"Balik kg!!! Hohoho.. Balik kg...!! Hati girang.."

haha.. mlm nh aku akan pulang ke kampung halamanku..
dgn mnaiki ketapi..

gmbira rasenye nk jmpe family..

ade org yg dh xblh nk study @ pk nk study lgsg..
ade yg slalunye kalu tdo mcm xnk bgun lg, tibe2 hr nh xblh tdo pulak..

ade yg serabut alam je aku tgk.. mandi xbasah.. tdo xlena..

semuanye dsebabkan

hahaha.. klakar pun bile pikirkn..

tp memg xdpt dnafikan, raye ni adalh antara moments yg plg dtunggu2 oleh sume org..

like the cherry on the top..
memg mase ni la semua sanak saudara akn bkumpul..

yg dh lama xjmpe dpt dieratkan kembali silaturrahimnya..

bagi aku? ntahla..

xde la rase excited sgt.. mungkin sbb dh besar kot..

cuma dh ade la plan2 yg insyaAllah bkal aku laksanakan mjelang rye nnti..

jumpe kuage.. kawan2.. sanak saudara.. rindu sgt kt diorg..

raye ptama, g rumah nenek n tdo sn dlm 3-4 hr..
excited sgt nk ke sn.. coz leh la jpe nnti pkck mkck n spupu2 yg mkin bsar sumenye..

n mrasai juadah2 raye yg enak x terkata 2..

pas2 nk ajak ucu g shopping skitar mlk.. hahaha.. motif sgt

lg 1 benda yg aku xsabar nk buat, of coz la mnanti ketibaan malam 7 likur..

dengan bekalan mercun dr shah alam oleh abg2 spupu.. mkin meriah la rye taun nh..
syoknye raye

n hr2 mjelang raye pon xkurang bestnye..

d kala mak tgh masak, aku ngan adik2 mban2 ape yg ptot..

memg la letih, tp yg pleknye xrase lgsg..

coz bila kte trut mban2 mbuat persiapan 2, trase mcm kte sdg participate skali dlm menanti lebaran.. seronok sgt..

Alhamdulillah.. aku dpt pulg awal dr wk2 yg djgkakan..
dpt la aku merasa bbuke kt umah..
n dpt gak shopping ape yg ptut utk rye nnti.. hehe

kepada sume yg mbc blogku ini,
aku nk ambk ksempatan ni utk mgucapkan
selamat menyambut lebaran
semoga korg bgembira hendaknya d samping kuarge..

n dlm pada masa 2 jgn over sgt k..
Jg dr bek2..

Jikalau ade yg aku pnh buat silap, dsentap dsbg,

aku ingin mohon keampunan pada korg..

halalkan segala mkn mnum aku ek..

kalu aku ade hutang dgn sape2, xkira la hutang duit ke.. jnji ke..

tuntut la secepat mungkin
ek.. jgn la simpan sampai ke akhirat nnti..

ape je yg aku pnh trase, tsentap mahupun tkecil hati naimah tkesima skalipun,

aku dah maafkan dah.. lgsg xsimpan dlm hati..

so aku harap naik cti nh, sgala2nye akan bmula dengan halaman baru..

halaman yg lbh mgembirakan..

aku doalkan semoga korang sume selamat pulg ke kg, selamat bgembira,
n slamat kmbali smula ke cnih k..

semoga Allah melindungi kalian semua.. n termasuk gak aku.. insyaAllah..

Tuesday, 15 September 2009


Today i was shocked to hear about one of my lecturer's faintness during her lecture.. many things that i heard about her cause of faintness, but i pray to God hoping that it was just a minor stress or dehydration, which is common in this fasting month..

But the thing is.. it makes me felt a sudden feel of sadness inside my heart.. because i making me thinking about death..

Death is inevitable.. And our daily life will come to an end eventually.. it is God's promise, that one day He will take our soul towards heaven, or Hell.. But the only thing that i really make me thinking is, how we are going to face our death?

I've often read about death of people in the books. Some people died easily and full of honors, while others died tragically, sadistically and full of suffering.. When i read about death of people, i often imagined how they once have lived..

For this lecturer that I've learn a lot from, i guess i really treasures the best of her.. This morning, she advised us to keep our health good during this festive season.. Do not get overjoyed, because what's important is what we gonna face after the eid.. the future that we never wonder..

Thinking about her, God have given her the opportunity to achieve what peoples hope to achieve in their own life.. She got the opportunity to study abroad and succeeded, and she has found a husband that can guide her the path towards heavens, live a very happy life with children that will someday in God's will, following her steps towards victory in this world and hereafter.. I guess her life is always in God's will..

And she also the most persistent lecturer i ever know.. She's now about 50 i guess, but she never skip nor late coming to classes - even when her health conditions seems to weaken her.. She really take every God's grace towards her seriously, and tried her best to use it towards His path.. She always tried her best to serve other peoples, and she regards her career as a lecture as a responsibility, and she tried her best to manage it in her own ways..

I think she never forgot to feel thankful for all the things that she has already achieved.. That really touches my heart.. And i can only wonder, if one day that i can eventually becoming like her..

I don't know how does she felt when thinking about her own death, or when does it happen.. Or how.. I can only wonder.. But if one day she will be invited by God to His Grace (Rahmatullah).. I guess she is one of the person that will be ready to face it..

The truth is, is make me kept thinking, how do i leave this world one day..? Am i will be prepared when the time comes..?

Imperfection, that makes us a human being.. and i she does have her own weakness too.. Sometimes she could easily become furious when she wasn't satisfied with something.. but i think the important thing is, she realise her weakness and try to overcome it.. I've always imagine her never forget to ask for His forgiveness for all of her wrongdoing, either she realised doing it or not.. day and night.. And i always wonder on how i will do the same thing for myself..

Beyond her resoluteness, i (and i think everyone else too) can felt her true heart and intention.. I can sense her on how she manages her daily live.. her mother instinct.. to have a mother like that, i think her sons and daughters are in fact the luckiest person in the world...

For some reason, i also wonder that whether i will meet the same lecturers, frends or all the people that i know after this holiday.. Either some of them will never come back.. or either i will never come back, I will never know.. It's always in God's fate.. and i hope for the best to everyone..

But why human never think about this? their own death? how they're going to face it?

It is like human always forget their own purpose of existence..

Monday, 7 September 2009

Menjelang hari raye...

Bile dah 2 minggu nak raye nh.. Ingatan pada kg halaman smakin mnebal pulak..
Really rindu dgn family.. Slalu tertanya2 ape yang diorg tgh wat skrg nh..

Kalu dlu2, bile time2 sminggu 2 nk raye nh.. Dah mula prepare ape yg ptot..
Time2 ni, pas sahur mak akan mula bentang tikar di tgh rumah..
Marjerin.. telur.. tepung.. cetak kuih dn mcm2 lg bhan utk buat bskut yg dah dbeli sebelum nh,
akan dkumpulkan segala..
Pastu aku n adik2 akn duk keliling mak sbb nak "tolong".. hehe
Wpun mula2 mak mula2 mrh gak sbb ktorg sbnrnya nk ngacau je.. Tp Last2 die ngalah jgk..

Hehe.. Seronoknya tlg kacau adunan.. mcetak doh.. main tepung n mcm2 lg..
Indahnye knangan mse kck2 dlu..

Kalu nk tau, kitorg stil gunakan cara tradisional kalu nak buat bahulu cermai, sbb mak ckp kalu gne mesin pukul telur 2, bahulu jadi keras..
So bile time mak nk buat bahulu cermai, ktorg la adik beradik tlg ngencap telur dlm tempayan 2..

ngencap sampai lenguh tgn, n bgilir2 dgn adik..

letih sgt pas2, tp hlg kpenatan bile dpt bbuke bahulu mlm 2..
rangup kulitnya n lembut isi kueh bahulu yg mak buat.. trase kepuasannya..

Tapi bile time mak nak bakar bahulu, xde sape pon yg nk dtg dekat.. hehe

sbb asap yg kuar bile sabut tkabar tsgt la tebal n memedihkan..

tapi tgk mak buat rilek je mcm xde ape2.. plek btol..

bile raye, mak rajin buat kueh.. kerepek..

byk jgk yg bli, tp 2utk kueh yg kompleks2 n leceh je..

tapi kalu biskut2 cam cornflake.. tat.. dahlia.. n kerepek2 cam tempeyek.. tumpi.. kueh ros.. bnda2 yg mak dah bese buat nh,
mak wat sendri jer..
rasenye lg puas mkn kalu wat sndri..
n bile wat kueh raye sndri nh, bahang kmeriahan raye lg la trase..
tol x?
n bile tggl sminggu nak raye, mak akn suro mrayau 1 kg.. cari batang2 buluh @ kayu utk djadikan pancang (batang) pelita..
so pegi la aku bsama mrayau mca
ri rumpun2 buluh..
kalu mls nk mrayau, cari kt blakang rumah je..

n of coz la.. bukan aku yg akn potong btg2 kayu 2.. hehe

adik aku yg potong sgala.. aku tlg angkut bwk blik rumah, dan jgk kne pacakkan tiang2 2kt skeliling rumah.. huhu..
pnat weh...

tp zaman skrg nh senang btol sgalanye dh ade kt kdai..xde lgsg thrill myambut rye.. huhu

dlm byk2 juadah tradisional raye, rasenye lemang je yg xpnh lg wat sndri..
sbb mak ckp buat lemang ni leceh..
nk tggu die msk ambk ms semlman..

wpun aku ske mkn lemang, tp jarang dpt mkn sbb family yg len xmnat mende 2..
slalunya bile balik rumah atok br ade diorg hdangkn lemang..
xksh la jnji dpt mkn..

2hr sblum raye, wak2 yg plg
memenatkan n mbunuh..
mgemas rumah, mgalihkan perabot yg mane ptot.. pasang kapet..
sgalanye kne dsiapkn..
memg rase nk pengsan, lbh2 lg time nk mbentang kapet2.. huhu.. tp nsb bek la buat rmai2..
hmm... xtau la cmne taun nh mak wat ngan adk je..

ha, n 1lg mase yg aku tggu2, adalah ms utk mngayam ketupat..
sbnrnye mak aku sorg je yg mgayam ktupat..
aku just duk2 c2 tmankan die je..

pas2 borak2 dgn sgala topik yg ade.. lgsg xrase bosan..

mak pnh agak ajar ngayam, tp dlm 10 pcubaan, 1 je yg jadik.. bosan tol

so last2 aku cm praktikkn part yg aku plg terer buat je.. MAKAN! hehe

hehe.. seronok btol mengenang memori mjelang raye nh.. xsabo nk balik..

Saturday, 5 September 2009

Moment of Truth

Nape ntah ek..
time2 bulan pose nih aku byk mrenung psl diri aku..
Some times aku rase hdup aku nh tlalu empty, tlalu mbosankan..
Bl aku pk ttg diri aku, aku xtau ape yg aku nk bygkan..
Sesuatu telah mbuatkn hdupku x keruan.. huhu

Adakah aku gembira?
Hmm.. aku sndri pun xtau nk jawab cmne..
kdg2 aku rase gmbira.. kdg2 aku rase xgbira..
kdg2 aku ttnye2 ape yg aku rase sbnrnya..

My life is one big confusing thing..
Aku sering btanya pd diri aku, ape yg aku nak sbnrnya dlm hdup nh..
Kdg2 bile aku tgk kwn2 aku, aku tgk hdup diorg happening je..
Aku cemburu mlihat golongan2 yg popular nh.. rase nk jadi cam diorg..
selalu dikerumuni kwn2.. slalu mjadi tumpuan..
Hdup org len mjadi ceria dibuatnye..

Tp mmpu ke aku jd cam diorg...?
Aku cuba jgk.. Bgaul dgn ramai org..
Cuba nk adapt dlm grouping2 nh..
Tp aku plek..
Mbayangkan brada d dlm group n brada dlm group 2sndri, lgsg xsama feelingnya..
Huhu.. Lagi indah khabar dr rupe..

Bile aku join dlm group2 camnh, aku rase cam terkongkong..
Trase diri nh hipokrit sgt.. Tpksa blakon seolah2 i'm like one of them..
Kdg2 smpai aku tpksa buat sesuatu yg aku xnk buat..
aku trase mcm mperbodohkan diri aku bl bsama diorg..
Sumenye merinsekn, xde yg myeronokkan..

Tapi bl aku mjauhkan diri dr org, org ckp aku sombong..
Xsuke bgaul.. Self-concentrated..
Ade yg suro aku kluar dr kepompong hdup aku, n try to explore other people..
Kdg2 aku tpikir,
Adakah itu yg ptut aku lakukn?

Tp soalan yg aku rase lbh penting..
Bbaloi ke aku mjadi hipokrit dgn org lain?
Bbaloi ke aku senyum pd org, padahal hati aku mgatakan sebaliknya?
Bbaloi ke aku blakon utk menyenangkan hati org len, pdhal ht sndri mrana?


Kwn aku yg bg nasihat nh, die pon ckp y die pnh dkecewakan oleh kwn die..
die ckp besfren die sdiri tikam die dr blakang..
N he said org2 skeliling die slalu pndang negatif sgala perbuatannye..
Wpun bnda yg die buat berniat baik, naimah hnya sekadar ingin mbantu..
But still, people never appreciate everything from him..

So my question is, why he still try to be frend,
with someone who hates him?
Rase mcm mperbodohkn diri sndri je..
Aku xnafikan yg kdg2 aku pon tpksa gak hipokrit..
Maklumla manusia nh..
Kat luar manis, kat dlm sape yg tahu..
Aku rase mcm dh xde msia yg btol2 jujur nk bkawan kt dunia..
Everyone has their own agenda..

Despite this, there is still some that i can considered a true friend..
Akim.. who I always confortable with..
Who i can share my thought with.. My feelings with..
Someone who i do not have to pretend or to entertain to get attention..

Nor.. Walaupun kdg2 die ckp out-of-topic, tp aku xpnh jemu mdengar celotehnye..
It's like im not listening on what he said, but on how he said it..
It's like he wanted to share anything without any censures or hypocracy..
I think it's so decent..

Psl aku ngan Khalid, dhsyat sket..
People always get wrong info on us..
Ade org ckp aku nih jadi pak turut die.. mcm aku nih tlalu ikutkn sgt katanye..

Sblm nh, bl ade org referkn Khalid sbg "bini" aku, aku xambik serius pkara 2..
Aku ingatkan diorg just gurau2 gitu je..
But now i know..
Diorg btol2 mksudkan ape yg diorg kata..
Diorg btol2 anggap aku ni cuma kuda tunggangan Khalid je ..
Diorg anggap aku ni mcm org bodoh.. mcm pak turut je..

The truth is really kills me..
Ptut la diorg lyang aku mcm aku ni bodoh sgt..
Mcm xde otak nk bpkir.. mcm xde perasaan nk djaga..
Mcm aku ni xlbh dr skadar puppet..
Tp xsume buat camtu.. cm sorg dua je..

Tapi aku memg xblh trima dgn pbuatan sorg hamba Allah ni..
Bile die mlaha, aku sbr je..
Bile die myentap, aku leh gelak lagi, wpun hati terasa sakit gile..
N bile die buat aku mcm org yg pling hina n mjelikkan kt muka bumi ni, aku diamkan je,
wpun hati aku dah pecah bderai mase 2.. Mcm kaca thempas ke bumi..

Aku kalu blh sntiasa nk jg ht die..
N trus terang, aku memg suka cara die..
Wpun cr die kdg2 agak kasar, tp aku xpnh jemu dgr die bcerita, or dgr die bckp..
Bg aku, die xubah mcm pkck yg aku plg rapat kt kg 2.. Kuat laha tp klakar..
N aku sntiasa rase die baik, wpun d dlm cranya yg tsendiri..
Memg aku slma nh anggap die xubah spt pkck aku kt cnih..

Tp bl die wat aku cmnih, aku ttnya2 pd diri aku sndri..
Ape slh aku smpai die wat aku cmnh..
Selama nh, ape sbnrnya anggapan die thadap aku...
Adkh aku ni skdar patung tnpa hati dn perasaan d mata die,
atau sekadar kucing kurap yg mjadi bahan sepak terajang..

Aku bkn xde hati nk trasa, xde perasaan yg nk dijaga..
Mungkin org ckp aku je yg manja, kene mrh sket pon mrajuk..
Aku cuba pujuk diri aku cm2 jgk..
Tp aku stil ttnya2 ape slh aku...?

Trus terang, kalu die ingat aku nh desperate sgt ke nk naik kete die 2, die silap!
slama nih, aku pnh ke naik kete die balik umah?!
Hari 2, aku g tnye die just sbb ade org yg ckp die nk bwk aku balik umah nek kete die..
aku jmpe die just nk pastikn kbnaran pkara 2.. That's all..

Dh la aku tel die lgsg x angkat..
Bile aku jmpe die, die herdik aku, tengking aku..
Salah ke niat aku utk btnya, utk kpastian??

Slm nih pon, bile aku ckp aku nk ikut die blik, sumenye xlbh skdr ckp2 kosg je..
Xde pon mharap sgt..
Kalu die bg aku ikut, alhamdulillah..
Tp kalu die ckp xblh, aku xksh lgsg, inikn pula nk ambik ati..

C akim 2dh bpe kali nk ajak aku nek ktapi..
n aku memg xksh nk ikut diorg..
aku lbh suke nek ktapi ngan diorg..

So knp, dlm byk2 cara utk bkata TIDAK BOLEH pada aku,
cara yg paling mmalukan dan hina jgk yg die plh utk aku??
Knp?? benci sgt ke die pd aku??

Wpun aku terasa sentap sgt mse 2... tp aku diamkan je..
Tp bile die bterusan buat aku cm2 lpas aku naik cti, aku mula rase myampah..
N rase mnyampah 2 tnpa aku sdar, btukar mjd rase benci..

Skrg kalu bleh, aku nk cuba elakkan dr die..
Kalu xbtemu lgsg lg bgus.. Xksh la org nk kta ape..
But aku stil harap die gmbira dgn dnia die..
as long it is out from my world..

Aku akui, aku memg susah nk buat kwn dgn org..
Tp bile aku dh suke dgn seseorg 2, aku akn cuba yg tbaik utk m'jg psahabatan dgnnye..
Aku akn cb yg tbaik utk jg hti die..
Tp hati aku ni xubah mcm gelas perek 2..
Wpun xmudah pecah.. But once it break, it can never be fixed..

1 je bnda yg aku mintak dari sume yg bc blog aku nh..
Tolong la hormat aku seadanya.. N jgn pikir aku ni xde perasaan utk djaga..
Aku cb utk jg hti sume, n in return, aku hrp org jgk dpt jg ht aku..
Is it really hard to ask??

Org slalu, knp aku rapat sgt dgn c Khalid 2,


Org yg nsihatkan aku 2, die xnmpk ape yg die sndri buat,

Kpd sape2 yg trase 2, aku mtk maaf..
coz aku memg xbmksud nk sentap sape2..
Just nk mluahkan perasaan je d bulan pose nh..
supaya bnda nh xblarutan n plahan2 mjadi barah dlm fikiran aku nh..

Aku ske org mcm eddy.. kim.. nor..
Xksh la ape org anggap, or ckp psl diorg.. i always like them..
We can never shut people's mouth..
So why bother concern abt it??

So just ignore it.. As long as we r happy with our lives..
ThankQ guys.. I really appreciate frends like u..