Sunday, 30 August 2009

the Sinner, whom is me...

Sometimes when we get too carried away on some things, we tend to forget its rightness or wrongness.. The truth is i really felt grateful to God that He created me in a way that i, myself felt many weakness on me.. i'm proud to live in a moderate lifestyle.. not too enrich with wealth nor living in poverty.. and i thank God for all of the hardships and misery that He sometimes put on me.. God i'm really grateful for all of that.. and now its like i'm forgotten all about it!

sometimes when we see someone who lives in wealth and richness, we pray that some day we could become just as like him/her.. but we never felt grateful for the things that we already have.. we abuse the things that we have gained to strive and achieve the one that we dream the most - wellness and wealth.. and yet is it really worth it??

everybody wants to achieve the most important things in everybody's lives- happiness.. but most translates happiness as wealth.. luxury.. and lust! their true intentions were good, but human being, which is far from perfections, tend to achieve it in any way possible, most times in inappropriate ways. i doesn't want to show others as an example, but just at myself..

when i do not have my laptop yet, i think that having laptop is the most-wanted thing that i really hoped and longing for.. my life is quite simple.. and i never think that luxury is one of my basic necessities.. still i really want a laptop, since i've seen its goodness and benefits.. despite of some flaws on it, such as the bad influence on the internet, i think that i could handle it.. thinking that i can control my lust and desires to a more positive path and more important, towards His path. And He put it on a test, in which i have failed...

i miss my old self- a person who is naive in many things.. whom always felt grateful to God in any way possible.. when i was tangled with troubles, i always pray to God to seek the solutions.. and i felt God had never let me out of His sight.. every thing that i've done in my life, and any outcome that happens from it, i always thought that it was God's sign towards His straight path one way or another.. and it secures me always..

but now, i think like i was abandoning Him.. i don't know what's wrong with me.. but day after day, i felt that i'm loosing Him, and His presence is like evaporating day by day in my life.. God have given me the best things for me this semester - a good grades.. a laptop.. a good roomates and an easy access on broadband also.. but all of these, instead of making me feeling much more grateful to God, has slowly making me forgotten him.. my life now is like feeling empty.. even when i prayed, i felt like i was doing something meaningless.. and it gradually making me felt miserable every day...

my heart pounding to be back in His path again, but it is like the rest of the body, with addition of the environment around me do not make me feel towards that path.. i felt lonely right now, even with the presence of all my friends..

i know what i want, but i don't know how to get it..


now i realise my desire is not cool gadgets, or wealthy lifestyle, or branded shoes or shirts or whatever.. but what i really desired is YOU, GOD!! all of these luxury that You've given me, i really felt grateful.. but if that's the exchange for my faith in you, i can never tolerate with that!

Please don't abandon me, God! Show me the way to Your path again.. the Path of eternal peace.. Amin..

from Your humble servant,
one who always forget

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