Sunday, 30 August 2009

Ramadan Kareem...

I wish to all Muslim readers..

Hope all of you will have a blessed Ramadan this month..

May all of us will find His mercy and may He guide us on His path always..

Amin Ya Rabbal'alamin..

the Sinner, whom is me...

Sometimes when we get too carried away on some things, we tend to forget its rightness or wrongness.. The truth is i really felt grateful to God that He created me in a way that i, myself felt many weakness on me.. i'm proud to live in a moderate lifestyle.. not too enrich with wealth nor living in poverty.. and i thank God for all of the hardships and misery that He sometimes put on me.. God i'm really grateful for all of that.. and now its like i'm forgotten all about it!

sometimes when we see someone who lives in wealth and richness, we pray that some day we could become just as like him/her.. but we never felt grateful for the things that we already have.. we abuse the things that we have gained to strive and achieve the one that we dream the most - wellness and wealth.. and yet is it really worth it??

everybody wants to achieve the most important things in everybody's lives- happiness.. but most translates happiness as wealth.. luxury.. and lust! their true intentions were good, but human being, which is far from perfections, tend to achieve it in any way possible, most times in inappropriate ways. i doesn't want to show others as an example, but just at myself..

when i do not have my laptop yet, i think that having laptop is the most-wanted thing that i really hoped and longing for.. my life is quite simple.. and i never think that luxury is one of my basic necessities.. still i really want a laptop, since i've seen its goodness and benefits.. despite of some flaws on it, such as the bad influence on the internet, i think that i could handle it.. thinking that i can control my lust and desires to a more positive path and more important, towards His path. And He put it on a test, in which i have failed...

i miss my old self- a person who is naive in many things.. whom always felt grateful to God in any way possible.. when i was tangled with troubles, i always pray to God to seek the solutions.. and i felt God had never let me out of His sight.. every thing that i've done in my life, and any outcome that happens from it, i always thought that it was God's sign towards His straight path one way or another.. and it secures me always..

but now, i think like i was abandoning Him.. i don't know what's wrong with me.. but day after day, i felt that i'm loosing Him, and His presence is like evaporating day by day in my life.. God have given me the best things for me this semester - a good grades.. a laptop.. a good roomates and an easy access on broadband also.. but all of these, instead of making me feeling much more grateful to God, has slowly making me forgotten him.. my life now is like feeling empty.. even when i prayed, i felt like i was doing something meaningless.. and it gradually making me felt miserable every day...

my heart pounding to be back in His path again, but it is like the rest of the body, with addition of the environment around me do not make me feel towards that path.. i felt lonely right now, even with the presence of all my friends..

i know what i want, but i don't know how to get it..

now i realise my desire is not cool gadgets, or wealthy lifestyle, or branded shoes or shirts or whatever.. but what i really desired is YOU, GOD!! all of these luxury that You've given me, i really felt grateful.. but if that's the exchange for my faith in you, i can never tolerate with that!

Please don't abandon me, God! Show me the way to Your path again.. the Path of eternal peace.. Amin..

from Your humble servant,
one who always forget

Wednesday, 19 August 2009

Time is a very melodramatic thing...

Watching the stories "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button" really touches my heart. I don’t know why, but to see how time plays with everybody's lives really giving me an impact. Everybody get older as time passes by, but I could not wonder how it must felt when it turns to the opposite.

Sometimes people hope to reverse time when they lost their loved ones. But time that had passed by never comes back. The same thing goes with Benjamin, who is born old. During his old "childhood", he had learnt to love, to think that how old people think. He learns to know and wonder about other people. He makes relationships, and the fact that he lives in an old-folks home really showed him the meaning of his life.

He learnt to mature first before childishness. I remembered one of the ladies tells to Benjamin when he said that he was feeling younger than anybody else by every day,

"Well, I felt very sorry to you. You’ll have to see everybody else died before you do."

It really touches my heart when she said that. There is no other pain more badly than losing the one we loved, and we must continue our lives without them. I'm felt sorry to Benjamin. He was getting younger, but all the peoples around him - His mama, the old lady that taught her the piano, even Daisy, his long true love are becoming older and one day, they will gone. It was so ironic.

But when the old lady saw his sad face, she gives him a good advice, "Benjamin, we meant to lose all the people that we loved. That’s how we know how important they are to us." That’s true, definitely. Every word she said really makes me wonder about time, living and death.

Time is really a melodramatic thing. Sometimes you hope that time reverses, and our loved one is spared from mortality. But even as it reversing as in Ben’s case, death is still inevitable. Lost ones will gone one day, and it can never be revived back. Sometimes when you live far enough, you will see everyone around you perish one by one, until in the end there is no one left beside you alone.
In the end, I felt sorry more to Daisy. From childhood, she keeps her feelings from Benjamin, thinking that it was not more than an immature thinking. As she grew older, Benjamin leaves her in searching for his new world beyond the Atlantic. Then Benjamin found his other love in Moscow, and sent a postcard that crashes Daisy's heart. When Daisy found a new life with other guy, her foot - as well as her dreams crush in an accident. Benjamin came back, but she drove him off.
But eventually Daisy come back to Benjamin when she recovered. They enjoyed a brief moment of happiness together. But Ben, feeling that one day he would eventually become a burden to Daisy as he got younger, left her for the second time. Daisy went on alone raising their daughter, Caroline and remarried to other man after a while to fill up the emptiness left by Benjamin to his daughter. And then they met again.
In the end, when she is the one whom take cares of Ben, even in his "childhood". Reading the same storybook that they've once read during Daisy's childhood - it’s all becomes so dramatic to me. It felt like time was repeating itself, but it never did. Benjamin died in the lap of daisy, in his baby form. I cannot even wonder how daisy might felt at that moment. But I guess she is a very strong woman inside.
This story is so touching, and yet it taught me a lot on how important it is to treasures every moment of our lives and all the people that I loved around me.
Time passed by can never be repeated again, but memories that comes along the way lives forever.

erm.. lm dh xbkak blog

Dah lama aku xmnulis dlm blog..
bukan xde point, tp xde mase.. ade laptop mls nk bukak,
tp bile dh bukak xde idea lak nk tulis ape.. huhu
tapi bosan jugak bile tgk blog org len pye la xtkira byknye update2 yg br..
so aku gagahi jgk utk mnaip skelumit rase.. hehe

serius, aku mmg xde mud nk mnulis pape hari ni.. maybe bcoz of the upcoming test dis friday..
study pon sket je dpt.. huhu

so aku send nh jela utk kali ni.. adios