The lotus eater.

Last time, during my school years, when learning the literature component there's one of the short story that I've been fond for, called The Lotus Eater. Reading the text though, I've never understand during that time what the title really resembles, as for me the story does not have any connection with eating lotus whatsoever.

Then as time follows, I've realized that the title itself actually resembles closer to me than I'd imagined. Actually not just me, but for most of the people around me, including whom are reading this post. In the end, all of us in some way consumed our own "lotus" at some point of our own lives. The lotus of indulging daydreaming.

I believe that just like me, everybody has their own dream once in a while. A dream of having a luxurious car, a dream of being the most powerful person on the planet, or just fantasizing of doing nothing except lying down beside a money tree where it blooms all year long. Things that were not just under the sun, but even beyond it.

Yet it can be agreed to a degree that in most of our dream, we definitely imagined something different from what we've experienced from our reality. In simpler words, we dreamt of doing changes in our lives - either in the form of improvements, or totally out of the routine. Meanwhile, some of us become the lotus eater just to escape the reality that we've faced; the more harsh condition we're into, the more lotus we consume.

In the end, we become the victim of our own imagination, and continuing to build (and renovating) our castle in the air. Worst, we often invite others into our castles too, and share with them our indulging fantasy, in which in the end gave them false hope and comfort. And if you understand what I'm saying, all of these were not meant literally at all.

So I might as well asked, is it wrong to be a lotus eater? Is it sinful to have dreams for our future and making plans to change our lives? Is the lotus that we've consumed everyday - whether we aware of it or not - is worthless and a waste of time?

The answer is - ladies and gentlemen - is not even close. Becoming a lotus eater is one of our own intrinsic necessities that drives our own intrinsic motivations towards achieving something. Inspirations is a gift from God; without it, Sir Isaac Newton would never had guessed the force that bind all existence altogether, nor will Bill Gates brought himself to his position today. They've once had become the lotus eaters at some stage of their lives, and from that point they progress and brought changes to this world.

Hence, it cannot be denied the fact that some great peoples amongst us were actually a lotus eater, just as me and you. But what make them succeed in achieving what they dreamt for, which some of us had yet to come? The truth itself most probably lies how we "eat" our own lotus all these years.

The lotus itself is a priceless gift of divine inspiration, as it gave self-uniqueness of each person existed and thus define them exclusively. But without the strong need and determination to achieve it, it is basically worthless. Thus, the lotus value depends on its consumer. A great achiever is not measured upon from what he had inspired in his mind, but how he transpires it into reality.

It is ironic that in this so-called moments which marks the height of human progress and development, one's success is defined through their ability of creating "lotuses" for others; literally attaining achievement by indulging the lives of others around them, making them preoccupied with trivial matters around them and therefore abandoning their own dreams. These could be seen in our own scenario, where the advancement of  media, showbiz, games, and other different kind of entertainments quickly surpasses other sectors and it is one of the most lucrative industry across the globe too.

The fact that most people are okay (and maybe even craving) to be indulged with these kind of addiction eventually ignite those who had the realization that these lotus eaters are beneficial to their own profit, and thus continuously creating lotuses for them - just as the British government provides opium to the Chinese in exchange for tea, which symbolizes wealth at that time.

Back to the point, being a lotus eater isn't bad if you realize the degree of your addiction towards it. And for once, don't just imagine the moments of triumph and indulgence when you're finally there, but also think about how to get there as well. It maybe not as beautiful as we've hoped for in reality but nevertheless in the process it would probably crisscrossed with something that we'd always yearn for - the turning point of our own lives. Who knows, right?

Drowning in myself.

I've thought that life is much more interesting if we just let ourselves loose. Never driven by any kind of extrinsic influences as well as any type of goals that I must met by the future; and let the life surprises me. Just merely assume what lies ahead without any effort of achieving some kind of plan in life. These were once all that I believe in my life - that God would eventually points the direction and I as His disciple obediently follow whatever that may be.

Or at least that what American movies taught me. To be expected that life is full of unpredictable occurrences and hence these would eventually riches our lives through the experiences that it developed. And we were told that it would never made us turn off.

Hence for me whom a large part of my lives are influenced by the media and its associates, therefore it is hard to comprehend the scenario in which people are actually striving to achieve a certain goal in life and most of the time made a significant sacrifice in order to achieve it.

Haven't you asked yourself, why some people are like too desperate to do anything, even as far as killing the innocent others in order to attain their own self-ambition? Isn't it better for them to just following the course and not to be so expecting and calculating in their own lives? After all, God has plans for all of us, don't He?

But eventually as I put the theory in motion, it consequences were much less than I've expected. It turns out that not expecting anything in your lives gradually decreasing your significance of existence in your daily lives. It feels that as if this world is like a whirlpool, and you are at some point of its currents. It is true that if you do nothing and just let the current lead you, you'll eventually engage something new along the way. But to wait for such thing to occur is eventually costing you to drift deeper and deeper towards the sink hole, and eventually you'll drown without achieving anything.

That's what I feel like now, drowning and grasping for air with no one that can actually save me from this meaningless whirlpool of mine. Eventually I realized my need to know my true identity, to be inspired and dedicate myself towards achieving what I wanted most in life. It doesn't have to be in the form of material necessities but the most important is our own self-satisfaction in contributing something to our own world and thus defining ourselves in the process.

You'll eventually realized that it's your daily needs to be motivated and inspired just as your desire for fresh air and the warmth of the sun to lighten up your day. And for that to materialized you need something to achieve in life. Something that's worth to fight for. A divine purpose.

Withering flowers can't be revived.

How can I revive the beauty of such flowers?

Its hard to satisfy everybody when we were the one who aren't satisfied in the first place. To know this simple truth towards my life and everyone I've been associated with is not an enjoyable experience at all, and at some point I tend to let go rather than trying my best to cling of whatever left, which all these years had withered due to things that happen around us.

Yet I really understand that some may get the empathy on us, some of them aren't. Some of us needs further explanation and assurance of what they may had left but unfortunately some could not deliver what they want to hear. Some of us just treat others badly and therefore are bound with the consequences. Some of us may just want to escape from all of these things that occurs around him while some of us chase whatever we see in front. Some can understand our true feeling, and some don't.

But maybe some clashes and acquaintance in our lives are destined to be in separate ways towards the end of it. Eventually, I've to look to no one but myself. I'm sorry for all the trouble I've caused all this time and I'm sorry that I couldn't make quite a commitment towards what I'm saying. I'm sorry for being a lousy pledge-keeper. I'm not proud of it and I never blame you for all the things that happen between us lately.

Maybe you see me as nothing were happen around me, which gives you the feeling of lesser significance in my life. And at that point I don't think you get it quite right. The way I treat you are no more or less different than how I treat everybody else around me, even to my own family. I gave lesser attention to those closest to me as I always feel them as a part of me. But I know I can't really prove it to you, but for those whom around me - my friend, family, my mom especially who never bored of calling and texting me which often unreplied - they knew how I am and I really grateful for that.

Thus, I just want to apologize if I'm not good enough to you. If parting seems to be the best solution, therefore I have to learn to live with it, wouldn't I? Sigh. If I can only wish how different things would be between us right now.

Left alone in the end.